In this issue

Jonathan Tobin: Defending the Right to a Jewish State

Heather Hale: Compliment your kids without giving them big heads

Megan Shauri: 10 ways you are ruining your own happiness

Carolyn Bigda: 8 Best Dividend Stocks for 2015

Kiplinger's Personal Finance editors: 7 Things You Didn't Know About Paying Off Student Loans

Samantha Olson: The Crucial Mistake 55% Of Parents Are Making At Their Baby's Bedtime

Densie Well, Ph.D., R.D. Open your eyes to yellow vegetables

The Kosher Gourmet by Megan Gordon With its colorful cache of purples and oranges and reds, COLLARD GREEN SLAW is a marvelous mood booster --- not to mention just downright delish
April 18, 2014

Rabbi Yonason Goldson: Clarifying one of the greatest philosophical conundrums in theology

Caroline B. Glick: The disappearance of US will

Megan Wallgren: 10 things I've learned from my teenagers

Lizette Borreli: Green Tea Boosts Brain Power, May Help Treat Dementia

John Ericson: Trying hard to be 'positive' but never succeeding? Blame Your Brain

The Kosher Gourmet by Julie Rothman Almondy, flourless torta del re (Italian king's cake), has royal roots, is simple to make, . . . but devour it because it's simply delicious

April 14, 2014

Rabbi Dr Naftali Brawer: Passover frees us from the tyranny of time

Greg Crosby: Passing Over Religion

Eric Schulzke: First degree: How America really recovered from a murder epidemic

Georgia Lee: When love is not enough: Teaching your kids about the realities of adult relationships

Cameron Huddleston: Freebies for Your Lawn and Garden

Gordon Pape: How you can tell if your financial adviser is setting you up for potential ruin

Dana Dovey: Up to 500,000 people die each year from hepatitis C-related liver disease. New Treatment Has Over 90% Success Rate

Justin Caba: Eating Watermelon Can Help Control High Blood Pressure

The Kosher Gourmet by Joshua E. London and Lou Marmon Don't dare pass over these Pesach picks for Manischewitz!

April 11, 2014

Rabbi Hillel Goldberg: Silence is much more than golden

Caroline B. Glick: Forgetting freedom at Passover

Susan Swann: How to value a child for who he is, not just what he does

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Financial Tasks You Should Tackle Right Now

Sandra Block and Lisa Gerstner: How to Profit From Your Passion

Susan Scutti: A Simple Blood Test Might Soon Diagnose Cancer

Chris Weller: Have A Slow Metabolism? Let Science Speed It Up For You

The Kosher Gourmet by Diane Rossen Worthington Whitefish Terrine: A French take on gefilte fish

April 9, 2014

Jonathan Tobin: Why Did Kerry Lie About Israeli Blame?

Samuel G. Freedman: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Jessica Ivins: A resolution 70 years later for a father's unsettling legacy of ashes from Dachau

Kim Giles: Asking for help is not weakness

Kathy Kristof and Barbara Hoch Marcus: 7 Great Growth Israeli Stocks

Matthew Mientka: How Beans, Peas, And Chickpeas Cleanse Bad Cholesterol and Lowers Risk of Heart Disease

Sabrina Bachai: 5 At-Home Treatments For Headaches

The Kosher Gourmet by Daniel Neman Have yourself a matzo ball: The secrets bubby never told you and recipes she could have never imagined

April 8, 2014

Lori Nawyn: At Your Wit's End and Back: Finding Peace

Susan B. Garland and Rachel L. Sheedy: Strategies Married Couples Can Use to Boost Benefits

David Muhlbaum: Smart Tax Deductions Non-Itemizers Can Claim

Jill Weisenberger, M.S., R.D.N., C.D.E : Before You Lose Your Mental Edge

Dana Dovey: Coffee Drinkers Rejoice! Your Cup Of Joe Can Prevent Death From Liver Disease

Chris Weller: Electric 'Thinking Cap' Puts Your Brain Power Into High Gear

The Kosher Gourmet by Marlene Parrish A gift of hazelnuts keeps giving --- for a variety of nutty recipes: Entree, side, soup, dessert

April 4, 2014

Rabbi David Gutterman: The Word for Nothing Means Everything

Charles Krauthammer: Kerry's folly, Chapter 3

Amy Peterson: A life of love: How to build lasting relationships with your children

John Ericson: Older Women: Save Your Heart, Prevent Stroke Don't Drink Diet

John Ericson: Why 50 million Americans will still have spring allergies after taking meds

Cameron Huddleston: Best and Worst Buys of April 2014

Stacy Rapacon: Great Mutual Funds for Young Investors

Sarah Boesveld: Teacher keeps promise to mail thousands of former students letters written by their past selves

The Kosher Gourmet by Sharon Thompson Anyone can make a salad, you say. But can they make a great salad? (SECRETS, TESTED TECHNIQUES + 4 RECIPES, INCLUDING DRESSINGS)

April 2, 2014

Paul Greenberg: Death and joy in the spring

Dan Barry: Should South Carolina Jews be forced to maintain this chimney built by Germans serving the Nazis?

Mayra Bitsko: Save me! An alien took over my child's personality

Frank Clayton: Get happy: 20 scientifically proven happiness activities

Susan Scutti: It's Genetic! Obesity and the 'Carb Breakdown' Gene

Lecia Bushak: Why Hand Sanitizer May Actually Harm Your Health

Stacy Rapacon: Great Funds You Can Own for $500 or Less

Cameron Huddleston: 7 Ways to Save on Home Decor

The Kosher Gourmet by Steve Petusevsky Exploring ingredients as edible-stuffed containers (TWO RECIPES + TIPS & TECHINQUES)

Jewish World Review April 12, 2011 / 8 Nissan, 5771

China stretches the bounds of decency with cow-human-breast milk

By John Kass

John Kass

http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | The last thing I'd ever want to see is a bunch of hungry babies suckling on a cow udder for their "human mother's milk," but that's the kind of world we live in now.

Happy Heifer Babies?

Yes, it's another sign of the apocalypse to come. And soon you may be able to buy yourself a gallon or two of cow-human-breast milk at the supermarket.

Having grown up working in a family grocery store, I can tell you some bizarre stories. But "farm fresh" human breast milk from four-legged creatures with hooves isn't one of them.

Scientists in China have announced that they've used cloning technology to fold human genes into the DNA of Holstein dairy cows.

The reason?

To make a fortune selling human-like breast milk to new mothers who can't or won't breast-feed their infants.

"The milk tastes stronger than normal milk," professor Ning Li of China Agricultural University was quoted in one of the reputable British tabloids.

Really, professor? The milk tastes stronger than normal (i.e., cow's) milk?

Yummy, dude.

Immediately upon reading that quote, I had a mental picture of the distinguished professor stubbing out a Kool mild in his laboratory, then pouring himself a tumbler full of bovine-human milk, swirling it, then swishing it around in his mouth, producing those strange lip-smacking sounds made by wine snobs.

Yes, it's sick.

What's even sicker is that my legman — we don't have a nickname for the poor young woman yet — is expecting a child. And she thinks the Chinese cows are a great idea.

It's that old cow-feed-vs.-breast-feed debate that's been raging among women for years.

"I plan on cow-feeding so I won't have to breast-feed," she said. "Now, all we've got to do is have enough grass in the backyard."

Oh, and don't forget the shovel, and the rake, and the pitchfork and some straw.

A couple of years ago, the foolish animal lovers at People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (which I hope someday will be changed to the "People for the Eating of Tasty Animals") insisted that Ben & Jerry's use breast milk instead of cow's milk for its scrumptious Chunky Monkey, Brownie Batter and Cherry Garcia. Or would that be Baby Garcia?

Tracy Reiman, a PETA activist, wrote to the venerable ice cream makers and said, "If Ben and Jerry's replaced the cow's milk in its ice cream with breast milk, your customers — and cows — would reap the benefits."

Ben & Jerry's stuck to its old-school ways. But ice cream makers aren't the problem. Scientists are the problem.

Like the brainiacs who are breeding those spider goats I wrote about years ago, the goats being milked for the spider juice inside them to make gigantic webs, perhaps as a military super weapon. Or the featherless chickens, the most disgusting man-made creatures in the universe. Yes, they're real. We even ran a photo of them once.

The rooster was indeed bandy-legged and pink and nasty, and such birds will most likely get terrible sunburn if they're left free on the range.

And what about the pigs with the human genes, the swine being bred for hemoglobin production and organ harvesting?

Not everyone is worried. James Murray, a geneticist at the University of California at Davis, was quoted in Discovery News recently telling people not to freak out over the bovine breast milk.

"To say it is more like human milk is stretching it a little bit," admonished Murray. "I think that's misleading. It also just plays into the fears of people who are opposed to it."

I see. If you're worried about it, you must be afraid, and you must have been terribly misled by unscrupulous journalists. Everyone knows that fear is irrational, and really, what's there to be afraid of when humans and animals become one?

The problem will come years later, when the genetic experiment goes terribly wrong. It always goes terribly wrong. Anyone who has seen a sci-fi movie knows this.

And to underscore my point, consider what actor Jeff Goldblum — he played a mathematician in "Jurassic Park" — meant when he said, "Life finds a way."

It sure does. It always finds a way.

So when the human gene in the Chinese cow gets really itchy, and it runs around in there before transforming into another group of cow-human cells, don't freak out too much if the inevitable happens:

A cow with a human head that can speak and demand its inalienable rights, even custody of its human children, like the ones it lovingly nourished. Or those other ones, the cow kids, the calves, who are destined for the grill, the meat locker or that new Dutch oven in your kitchen.

I mean, how unjust can we possibly be? The surrogate who feeds your children gives up her own kids so you can chomp down on a steak sandwich and a milk shake?

That's just unfair.

Imagine that angry cow leaning over a fence, using a high-pitched voice to demand a cellphone to call a lawyer and join a class-action lawsuit (or a union) as the hungry human kids shriek for their food.

The cow is on strike. The mom is in panic.

And years later, how do the kids tell mommy they're hungry after soccer practice?

They moo.

It's not only possible. It's the future.

Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.

John Kass is a columnist for the Chicago Tribune. Comments by clicking here.


03/23/11: No you're not in control; get over it
02/28/11: Chicago wanted a strongman, and it got one
01/26/11: Oh, c'mon, c'mon, Rahm-bo a victim? That's a stretch
12/13/10: WikiLeaks and Assange pretend there are no consequences
12/09/10: Trendy toys don't stand up to playthings of yore
10/11/10: Obama and his pals need some scarce Hopium for the next election
09/14/10: Obama gets a little bossy with tacit endorsement of Emanuel
08/18/10: Dead Meat walking, but heat to be applied again
07/28/10: No verdict, but Blagojevich trial still has its winners, losers
07/26/10: Obama's fall guy in Shirley Sherrod case is Vilsack the Pooh
07/21/10: Loathing of Steinbrenner softens after his death
07/19/10: Summertime, and the race cards are easy
06/28/10: Does Congress have the guts to fix what court gutted? Honestly, no
12/17/09: Belt-tightening presidential aspirant leaves room for Spam
09/27/09: ACORN can teach the GOP a thing or 2
09/03/09: Blago as author gets it wrong yet again 06/22/09: Obama's latest political play should shock no one
06/17/09: Presidential satire takes Hopium break
06/11/09: E-Verify works, so, of course, let's not use it
06/09/09: First Lady Macbeth's the man, so in your face, Eminem
06/02/09: Judge Sotomayor would think me most unwise
05/12/09: Parents, enjoy this time, in all its creepiness
03/18/09: Stem cell policy shift brings a sinking feeling
03/09/09: Name That Blago Book contest names its winner
03/05/09: Contest: Name Blagojevich's book
02/16/09: Dems undercut aid for U.S. workers
01/20/09: Let the carving begin on Tombstone's tomb
01/12/09: Obama serves Reid taste of Chicago Way
01/02/09: Jesters don't pick up the race card in a nationally televised news conference and slam it into the face of every Dem in the Senate, a palm heel strike to the tip of the nose, leaving all of them watery-eyed, their lips stinging
12/24/08: Governor waxes poetic, but Combine rolls on
12/23/08: Got corruption? Get Jesse Junior G-Man
12/18/08: Will ‘feditis’ spread to Obama and Daley?
12/15/08: Man behind curtain is wizard of Rod, Rahm

© 2011, Chicago Tribune. Distributed by McClatchy-Tribune Information Services.