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Jewish World Review Hormones rule home of Princess and mom By Celia Rivenbark http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | What an odd twist of nature that the Princess should be entering the teenage years (and experiencing all the hormones and drama that come with) at the precise moment that I'm leaving it all behind and contemplating the indignity of chin-tweezing. But this is as it should be, and I confess to a fascination with watching her and her friends navigate this weird and drama-prone terrain, where you can go from zero to screaming "OMG, YOU ARE SUCH A CREEPER!" to someone who accidentally sat a little too close on the activity bus. Middle school "couples" have relationships that are fickle and fast-moving. One broke up in the time it took to get from the lobby into the movie theater. "How can that be?" I asked the Princess. "What could've possibly changed in such a short time?" "Ohmigod, that was hours ago," she said wearily. "They've decided to just be friends. He was emotionally unavailable." "She got all that in the 16 minutes it took for them to get frozen Cokes?" "You don't understand! There's no point in wasting time on a relationship when you know it's not going to go anywhere." Part of me admires this brisk "cut your losses" mentality but, if it keeps up, marriage vows are going to be a tad problematic. Minister: " ... to have and to hold from this day forward ... " Couple (in unison) "Uhhhhhh, about that ... " Duh-hubby and I find the phrase "going out" eternally comical, which irritates the Princess as well. "But you don't GO anywhere. Why do you call it "going out"? Princess: "DO YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO MAKE FUN OF EVERYTHING?" Me: "Kinda." Of course, this is patched up in time for the request for money for shopping and a movie. Me: "You could sweep the patio and make a little extra money." Princess: "OK, but I HAVE to go! Everyone else is going! I will die if I don't get to see this movie!" At this point, it's tempting to point out that emergency rooms across the country aren't littered with teens who didn't get to see the new Robert Pattinson movie on opening night. Chores are done, movie money is earned, and now begins the angst about what to wear. "I have no clothes," the Princess says solemnly, while I survey a room that looks as if Aeropostale ate too much and threw up all over it. "What about this?" I say, pairing some jeans and a cool T. "Oh, Mommie, that's perfect! I love you!!!!" I feel a little sorry for Duh these days, trapped as he is between two females who are affected by occasionally wild swings of hormonal havoc. He usually exits to "oil the lawnmower," which smacks of snipe-hunting to me. Wonder if he needs any help. Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here. Celia Rivenbark is an award-winning news reporter and freelance columnist for The Sun News in Myrtle Beach, S.C. Comment by clicking here. Add some oohing, cooing to your kitchen Tweeting puppy a perfect pet … for twerps Science fair spurs on hyper parents Cat naps aren't all that popular among felines Nightmare in the mall's dead zone America: Cut out the need to be cute Taking a page from a ‘Mad’ mother She's adding truth serum to her Cap'n Crunch Snuggie ensnares another victim, er, admirer Florida can keep its snakes She's homeless . . . but for $95 she can go home with your princess Southern fish experiencing identity crises Monkey baby big business for the small-minded All mommixed up? Try keeping toes in a breath-mint tin Thunder thighs finally get revenge Where would I be without the digested read? Butter buds: Julia and Celia Facebook is for ‘old’ people, too, missy Ch-ch-ch-changes Getting refreshment not berry smooth in age of mass marketing Reality show lowers her IQ to sub-dirt levels Cuddle parties are the latest weird trend Middle school is a whole new game and these players are vicious If the first lady can dig in the dirt, why can't I? Somehow, we've all lost our internal censors Not to rub it in, Barbie, but you're old Some things you probably don't need to know about your friends Big family, big ratings, big mess Fred Mertz for vice president Women and tools are like grease, water Runners are a different breed of folk altogether Don't get all bento out of shape For you, Princess? I'll buy junk Gwyneth P. needs big ol' reality check Reality show amuses yet repels viewer Spying on kid at summer camp awfully fulfilling Stars? Great outdoors? I don't think so Honesty in the name of fashion Perfect attendance award is for little, viral losers Trendy new ailment not for everybody What is wrong with the women today who marry insanely rich and talented men and then think they still have to cook? Shagadelic on the dance floor Ex-boyfriends can have the worst timing Little wonder many voters are confused Sound bites not easy in Southern I swear it's not my fault Celebrity news gets weirder, trumps all else Driver's license? Outta my way while I get `em Like taking Miley Cyrus tickets from a baby Driving under the influence of celebrity Hugged your Webkinz today? Hate mail spawned by humor columns ‘High School Musical’ rocks to the max! Where did latest ‘syndrome’ come from? Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama Office gossip is protected free speech First-class corpse Song lyrics have only gotten dumber Talk to the clock because the ISP doesn't care Being a happy human vessel has its limits Who's not your daddy? Phoning for dazzlers Proper spelling begins at home Sick of the waiting room Road signs Halt your motion toward the lotion Sudoku's got my husband's number One short stack of smarts, please Spa me the kids IRS wants us to like it so much that it smacks of desperation Uniforms: Soul-sucking sameness Girls' pajama parties a little different now Welcome back for guilt-free manly man A big boo-hoo for disgraced celebs Girls' pajama parties a little different now When Bubbas and hoes are extra welcome Ageless icons can't escape their ages Gifts to kids' teachers make competitive moms antsy Kid bumper stickers sure not ‘terrific’ © 2007, The Sun News Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services

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