Jewish World Review April 25, 2008 / 20 Nissan 5768
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Hillary Clinton drubbed Barack Obama in Pennsylvania's primary Tuesday. It was all demographics. Little did she know when she forgave her husband for cheating it would someday inspire white guys to vote for her in gratitude for her generous example.
The Shanghai Sheraton put their window washers in Spider-Man costumes Tuesday. It got everyone's attention. The hotel made a big mistake last year when they didn't run a psychological profile on their window washers and handed out Superman costumes.
Barack Obama remained upbeat Wednesday after his pummeling in Pennsylvania. He couldn't knock her out. After Hillary finished beating him Tuesday, the makers of Waterford crystal offered Obama ten million dollars for the naming rights to his jaw.
Donald Trump was reported Wednesday to be considering O.J. Simpson's request to appear on NBC's Celebrity Apprentice. It's a perfect pairing. They're both stars, they're both loathed by women, and they're both famous for their cutthroat business techniques.
CNN anchor Richard Quest was arrested in Central Park Friday with a rope tied around his neck and genitals. His bosses at CNN were alarmed. If Larry King tried that with his suspenders they could lose a valuable host when the blue pill kicked in.
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell expanded his probe of the New England Patriots in Spygate. No wonder Condi Rice wants to be commissioner. She'd come to the job with a stack of executive orders saying it's okay for patriots to spy in order to win.
The Tudors was picked up by Showtime for a third season on Tuesday and stars Jonathan Rhys Meyers as King Henry VIII. Its success is no surprise. You knew that when reality shows caught on it would eventually lead to beheading wives on television.
The White House secretly briefed congressmen Wednesday about its concerns that North Korea built a nuclear plant in Syria. It's no secret. You can see what the Israeli air force did to the plant six months ago if you Google the word smithereens.
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© 2007, Argus Hamilton