Jewish World Review April 12, 2006 / 14 Nissan, 5766
And now for the important news ....
By Argus Hamilton
Phil Mickelson won the Masters Sunday playing alongside his
pal Fred Couples, who finished third. They chatted and laughed and
encouraged each other all day. Golf was invented so that men can
walk in the woods together without people talking.
Naomi Campbell was unrepentant Friday after the black
supermodel was accused of hitting her Hispanic maid with her cell
phone. This explains the tension over illegal immigration. Working
for Naomi Campbell is one of the jobs Americans won't do.
The FBI used DNA evidence Monday to clear Duke University's
lacrosse team of raping a stripper. Calling in the FBI was a wise
idea. They were afraid Homeland Security agents would ask the
stripper if her daughter likes to make friends on the Internet.
NBC's West Wing star Martin Sheen turned down Ohio Democrats
who asked him to run for the U.S. Senate Monday. He may have a
savior complex. Ever since he got his son Charlie Sheen to stop
drinking, drivers stop him on the freeway and ask him to heal the
price of gasoline.
Jerry and Betty Ford held a pro-am golf tournament Monday
for the Betty Ford Center scholarship fund. The former president
looked very happy. Ever since Dick Cheney's hunting accident,
Jerry Ford's golf game looks like green jacket material.
Hillary Clinton spoke at Brown University Saturday where she
was heckled and jeered by anti-war protesters. That's how she
started in politics. Every surviving member of President Nixon's
House impeachment committee staff has ghost stories like these.
Colin Powell said Monday the U.S. made student visas too hard to get following September 11th. He said we lost the brightest international students to Canada and Europe. You would think if they were that smart they would sneak in through Mexico.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2006, Argus Hamilton