|
|
|
Jewish World Review April 13, 2005 / 4 Nisan, 5765 And now for the important news .... By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Hillary Clinton was lionized at a Minnesota dinner Saturday.
She didn't even mention her husband until late in the speech. The
nicest thing about getting a standing ovation when you walk
onstage is you don't have to open with your best joke.
The Food and Drug Administration heard testimony from women
Monday about the safety of silicone gel breast implants. The
investigative panel is looking for any harmful side effects. A
lifetime of free drinks can cause all kinds of problems.
Prince Charles and Camilla were married in Windsor Saturday.
Queen Elizabeth left the reception to watch a televised horse race
in her apartments. If she disrupted her daily routine every time
one of her kids got married she would never get anything done.
Bill Clinton holds a news briefing today with U.N. Secretary
General Kofi Annan to announce that he will spend two years
cleaning up the tsunami damage. What on earth did he do? Most
sinners just have to say a few Hail Marys and they're forgiven.
Capitol Hill police on Monday tackled a Chinese tourist who
was standing outside the U.S. Capitol staring at the cherry
blossoms and then blew up his suitcases. Lawmakers are demanding a
full investigation. Those suitcases could have been full of cash donations.
Denver International Airport was shut down on Sunday after
an April blizzard hit Colorado, closing schools and highways. The
storm is sweeping eastward. The Weather Channel just announced
that the five-day forecast for Tom DeLay is two days.
GOP Congressman Chris Shays said Monday he hopes Tom DeLay
will step down as House Majority Leader. The infractions are
piling up. One more ethics charge and Tom DeLay will have to give
up his seat in Congress to become governor of Louisiana.
West Virginia Republican Hiram Lewis announced Monday he
will try to unseat Senator Byrd in the next election. That won't
happen. Robert Byrd has been in Washington so long that there are
rumors he and Mary Todd Lincoln were more than just friends.
Nevada is weighing a law to crack down on the practice of
pimping. It's just more middle management jobs going overseas.
Economists won't consider outsourcing a real problem until India
has an ample supply of cheap and well-trained economists.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
Comment by clicking here.
© 2005, Argus Hamilton |
Columnists
Toons
Lifestyles | |||||||||||
