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Jewish World Review April 26, 2004 / 5 Iyar, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | The Kentucky Derby is run at Churchill Downs in Lexington on Saturday. Horse experts say it's the most wide-open field in history. This year the track favorites in the race are Imperialism and Smarty Jones, or is that the Gallup Poll?

The Queen Mary II made it across the North Atlantic Friday. In the middle of the ocean the boat was hit by a seventy-foot wave throwing everyone onboard to the floor. So it's not just the Democrats, during an election year even G-d knocks the rich.

The Supreme Court rejected freshman running back Maurice Clarett's attempt to enter the NFL draft. He was too young. It didn't help his cause when he said he wanted to be a Minnesota Viking because their uniforms are the same color as Barney.

John Kerry begins his Tour for Jobs today with a speech in West Virginia. They have lots in common with each other. Twice last year West Virginians won lottery jackpots worth hundred of millions of dollars, and John Kerry married Teresa Heinz.

Ted Kennedy endorsed a bill Friday that would legalize the re-importation of prescription drugs from Canada. The high costs of domestic prescription drugs can be devastating to American families. An energy executive in Houston last year was run over by his wife in the driveway only a week after he paid U.S. prices for Viagra.

CBS News aired photos taken of Princess Diana as she lay dying in the car on a news magazine show Wednesday. How disgusted was world reaction? Al-Jazeera interrupted Hitler's Birthday coverage to urge Americans to draw the line somewhere.

Congress began work on an emergency plan of government Wednesday in case the U.S. Capitol is attacked. Members would be evacuated to an old U.S. Cavalry fort in Maryland. They were lucky to find someplace where the troughs were pre-installed.

Bob Woodward's book says Prince Bandar promised President Bush that the Saudis would cut oil prices to help re-elect him. Americans all had the same reaction to this so-called deal. It's insulting, it's outrageous, and how soon does it start?

John Kerry spent Earth Day at the University of Houston criticizing high oil prices under the Bush administration. Is he nuts? This is the college that cancels classes on the anniversary of the day the asteroid hit the earth and killed all the dinosaurs.

John Kerry answered reporters who asked Thursday if he owns an SUV by first saying he doesn't and then saying the SUV belongs to his family. It's just as well. The last time John Kerry shot straight with people he killed twenty Viet Cong.

California was urged by its voting procedure panel Thursday to ban all touch-screen voting machines for the November election. Tests show computer voting is unreliable. In a mock election, Arnold Schwarzenegger lost to the Paris Hilton video.

Australian lawmaker Mark Latham was accused of plagiarizing Bill Clinton this week in Canberra. Nevertheless, it worked. Listeners in the gallery believed every word he said when he told Parliament he did not have sex with that Hammerhead Shark.

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