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Jewish World Review April 5, 2004 /14 Nisan, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Jack Nicholson was photographed by the National Enquirer at a movie premiere with cocaine rimming his nostrils. That's show business. The L.A. Lakers play their games in the only arena in the world where the nosebleed seats are on the front row.

Barry Bonds's attorney told reporters Saturday that his client is the target of a federal perjury trap in the steroid probe. Everyone's devastated. It looks like seventy-three home runs in a season is the phoniest record since Milli Vanilli.

The Centers for Disease Control dismissed the threat of mercury in flu shots for kids. The government scientists say there's no reason to worry about a little mercury in vaccines for children. According to their research, nobody lives forever.

Condoleezza Rice insisted Friday she plans to quit the White House in January to return to a more normal life in California. You can't make it up. Four years in Washington made her homesick for the relative depth and sincerity of Los Angeles.

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