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Jewish World Review April 2, 2004 /12 Nisan, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports

And now for the
important news .... | The Alamo with Billy Bob Thornton as Davy Crockett debuts tonight. Marketing for the movie is cleverly targeted. Commercials on the major networks show Davy Crockett firing away while the commercials on Telemundo show him getting bayoneted.

Donald Trump was sued by a Chicago pottery store owner after he trademarked You're Fired, which is the name of her store. It's bitter. A similar dispute is raging over the phrase I Know Nothing between the creators of Hogan's Heroes and Condoleezza Rice.

The Major League Baseball players union gave the first indication Tuesday it may yield to public pressure and congressional threats and allow mandatory drug testing. Baby Boomers have experience in drug testing. During the Disco Era, we tested everything.

Bill Clinton gave a sensational speech for John Kerry at a Democratic dinner on national television last week. He's such a generous soul. Bill Clinton would call a press conference to announce he was about to give you the shirt off his back.

The William J. Clinton Presidential Center in Little Rock announced that it will have its official opening on November 18th. It should be fun. If you have any trouble finding the address and phone number it is listed in the Yellow Pages under Escort Services.

OPEC decided in Vienna Tuesday to cut back on oil production. Prices are through the roof. Romantic commercials that used to promote diamond necklaces now urge men to fill up her tank to let her know you would marry her all over again.

Rolls-Royce announced it will open a showroom in Red Square in Moscow. The economy there is soaring after they passed a fifteen percent flat tax. Steve Forbes knew it would work somewhere but he never had any idea it would be the Soviet Union.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

© 2002, Argus Hamilton