Jewish World Review March 31, 2004 /9 Nisan, 5764
important news ....
Minnesota's former governor Jesse Ventura hinted he may run
for president four years from now. It's sad. After the box office
success of Spider Man and Scooby-Doo, no self-respecting cartoon
character should have to settle for government work.
H.J. Heinz Company wrote to TV and radio talk show hosts
Monday. They asked them to stop linking the Kerry campaign to the
Heinz company. Just their luck, Teresa Heinz married a guy who is
despised by twenty-five states that pour ketchup on everything.
John Kerry will have surgery today in Boston for what his
campaign says is a tear in his right shoulder. Doctors warned him
he will be unable to shake hands for a month. If he lets anyone
get that close to him they will see he's had a face lift.
John Kerry criss-crossed the country all week trying to
raise twenty million dollars for his campaign. It's been tough
sledding. Every time the Democrat asks for two thousand dollars
people tell him they can get a cheaper candidate in India.
The September 11th Commission heard testimony from Bush and
Clinton aides in the U.S. Capitol without anyone admitting one
mistake. This is why The Statue of Truth in the Capitol Rotunda
isn't a good depiction. It doesn't have any stretch marks.
Major League Baseball said Monday steroid tests may begin
next season. Damage control is already underway. This year all
clubhouse spreads will be meat and eggs and cheese so Barry Bonds
can blame his drop in home runs on the Atkins Diet.
NFL owners slapped a fifteen yard penalty on players who showboat by dancing together in the end zone. They got way too festive. Players used to look at the sideline camera and say hello to their mothers but now they propose to Liza Minnelli.
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