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Jewish World Review March 28, 2003 / 24 Adar II, 5763

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports


And now for the
important news ....


http://www.NewsAndOpinion.com | Cincinnati is searching for a Pete Rose lookalike to lead its annual Opening Day parade. It's not easy being a famous person's double. Juan Valdez has not been seen in one coffee commercial since Saddam Hussein's house was bombed last week.

The Air Force Academy agreed to a staff shakeup in the wake of sixty charges of sexual harassment by former female cadets. What a mess. It occurred when Bill Clinton was in the White House and Democrats don't know if harass is one word or two.

Elizabeth Dole moved to award the Congressional Gold Medal to Tony Blair. It was unexpected. She's from North Carolina, and when Tony Blair ended hereditary voting rights in the House of Lords no one thought the South would ever forgive him.

Senator McCain was interviewed all week about what it's like to be a prisoner of war. He's famous for achieving campaign finance reform on Capitol Hill. To this day it seems odd that political prostitution was put out of business by a John.

HealthSouth CFO Bill Owens pleaded guilty to cheating investors Tuesday. He inflated earnings so the company stock would trade at a higher price. Now he needs round-the-clock security to fend off executive recruiters from the airline industry.

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