July 7th, 2022


Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Argus Hamilton

By Argus Hamilton

Published March 30, 2022

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report
The Academy Awards ceremony in Hollywood was telecast on ABC on Sunday night to generally good reviews. It got pretty violent at one point. Halfway through the telecast, Ukraine and Russia offered to send peacekeepers to the Oscars ceremony to settle things between Will Smith and Chris Rock.

Academy Awards night ended up at heavily sponsored Oscar after-parties starting at the Fashion Center in West Hollywood Sunday, which I attended. It offered beer by Coors, champagne by Cristal and punch by Will Smith. Everyone agreed that the beer and champagne hit a lot harder than the punch.

Will Smith ran onstage at the Oscars and punched Chris Rock in the face for telling a joke about his wife. The fact that it was a slap only raised the evening's estrogen level. To add excitement and TV ratings for next year, ABC asked Chris Rock to host the Oscars and tell a joke about Alec Baldwin's wife.

Variety says young people will remember where they were when they saw Sunday's Oscars punch on live TV the way Baby Boomers recall the 1969 moon landing. That's true. Half the people will say they've never seen anything like it, and the other half will insist it was staged and never really happened.

President Biden returned Sunday after a loopy weekend in Europe. The White House had to walk back his comments saying we'd respond in kind to chemical attack, U.S. troops were going into Ukraine and Putin must leave office. Every day, Joe's Communications Director just sighs and says we'll fix it in post.

Sports Illustrated reports the NCAA is being overwhelmed with protests from angry parents upset about Transgenders winning women's swimming meets. It's just the start. If you think an influx of Transgenders will ruin women's swimming, just wait till LeBronda James signs up to play in the WNBA. Ukraine's President Zelensky offered for Ukraine to remain neutral and not join NATO Monday as a peace talks starting point. He dodges one danger after another. After Sunday night's debacle in Hollywood, Zelensky suspects Sean Penn's invitation to speak onstage at the Oscars was an ambush.

The Hollywood Reporter predicted that Will Smith slapping Chris Rock onstage at the Oscars on Sunday will revive interest in the industry. At the Grammys on Sunday night, I want to see someone throw a chair at Justin Bieber. I have had a taste of awards show violence and now I fear that I crave it.

Will Smith won the Academy Award for Best Actor an hour after he slapped Chris Rock onstage Sunday and was contrite in his speech, to mixed reviews. Supreme Court Justice nominee Ketanji Brown stated that she's no biologist, but Will Smith hits like a girl. He's just been cast as GI Jane in the sequel.

Chris Rock didn't know of Jada Pinkett Smith's alopecia when he joked about her shaved head role in GI Jane. Will Smith laughed and then walked up and slapped him. Chicago viewers vowed to boycott watching next year's Oscars show unless the black-on-black violence onstage is more authentic.

The LAPD vowed to increase onstage security at next year's Oscars ceremony as apprehensions mount over Smith's groundbreaking assault. Everyone in Hollywood can see where this is heading. We can all see the headline on CNN one year from today: Only 17 Shot Dead at Mostly Peaceful Oscars.

Will Smith snapping like he did makes me say not all stars are hyper-sensitive about their failing marriages. In early 1994, O.J. was at the Comedy Store and I kidded him about being the player no one can tackle being thrown for a huge loss by his ex-wife. And O.J. found it funnier than anyone, at first.

Chris Rock's Oscar night composure followed my own experience Saturday when I had to stand onstage at the Comedy Store and keep everyone calm until paramedics arrived after a woman in the crowd fainted when I walked onstage. Thank goodness she's okay. Still, it's nice to know I've still got it.

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Harry Potter author JK Rowling was slammed by Emma Watson onstage at the British Academy Awards for remarks disparaging trans-genders. I'm very fond of a Transgender longtime neighbor in my building here in West Hollywood who's alcoholic and overweight. He loves to eat, drink and be Mary.

President Biden said Monday how moved he was by the refugees he met while in Eastern Europe last week. It ‘s a race. There is currently an unofficial contest between how many people can cross the border from Ukraine to Poland, from Mexico to the United States, or from California to Arizona.

President Biden denied walking back the gaffes his staff walked back to avoid world war while he was in Europe. We misread his vow to respond in kind to chemical weapons, send troops into Ukraine and get rid of Putin. It's a simple meeting of two minds, yours and the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz.

President Biden gave dire warnings for the world economy saying his sanctions on Russia could result in food shortages not only in Europe, but also in the United States. Fox News will blast Biden for creating the food shortage in America and MSNBC will salute him for ending the obesity epidemic.

The White House declared if drivers don't like the high price of gas they should switch from gas cars to electric cars. The average cost of a gasoline car is forty-five thousand dollars. The average price of an electric car is sixty-two thousand dollars, seventy-five thousand dollars with a lightning rod.

Hollywood legendary Laugh-In producer George Schlatter donated the videos and scripts of over fifty years of sketches and jokes from his numerous variety shows to the new Museum of Comedy in upstate New York. I often look at a joke and think, that's not funny, it's just mean. Then I press Enter.