• Academy Awards night ended up at heavily sponsored Oscar after-parties starting at the Fashion Center in West Hollywood Sunday, which I attended. It offered beer by Coors, champagne by Cristal and punch by Will Smith. Everyone agreed that the beer and champagne hit a lot harder than the punch.
• Will Smith ran onstage at the Oscars and punched Chris Rock in the face for telling a joke about his wife. The fact that it was a slap only raised the evening's estrogen level. To add excitement and TV ratings for next year, ABC asked Chris Rock to host the Oscars and tell a joke about Alec Baldwin's wife.
• Variety says young people will remember where they were when they saw Sunday's Oscars punch on live TV the way Baby Boomers recall the 1969 moon landing. That's true. Half the people will say they've never seen anything like it, and the other half will insist it was staged and never really happened.
• President Biden returned Sunday after a loopy weekend in Europe. The White House had to walk back his comments saying we'd respond in kind to chemical attack, U.S. troops were going into Ukraine and Putin must leave office. Every day, Joe's Communications Director just sighs and says we'll fix it in post.
• Sports Illustrated reports the NCAA is being overwhelmed with protests from angry parents upset about Transgenders winning women's swimming meets. It's just the start. If you think an influx of Transgenders will ruin women's swimming, just wait till LeBronda James signs up to play in the WNBA.
• President Biden promised to supply Europe with U.S. natural gas, adding to domestic gas shortages that have been sending utility bills through the roof. Last night I asked a homeless guy at the 7-Eleven how he wound up in poverty, was it drugs, booze or gambling? He said he left the lights on.
• President Biden warned that the price of the sanctions on Russia will be felt in the U.S. and could result in a shortfall of food and snack items. Deceptive packaging can fix that. Two sacks of Lay's Potato Chips were just sent to the International Space Station after reports they were running low on air.
• U.S. Court of Appeals Judge Ketanji Jackson raised eyebrows at her Supreme Court confirmation hearings saying she's not a biologist when she was asked to define what a woman is. I guess we're all frauds then. How was Billy Joel ever able to write She's Always a Woman when he's not a biologist?
• Fox News military analysts say Russian Army forces are digging trenches and settling back into a defensive posture, risking high-ranking officers at the front. On Saturday, the seventh Russian general was killed since the war started. With the next one, Ukraine gets a free Coke and medium fries.
• West Hollywood Sheriffs reported a one hundred thirty percent hike in crime over last year in the party city, mostly street crime. Recently I see things I've never seen before every night when I go on my run through West Hollywood and Beverly Hills. Gas is so expensive I just witnessed a pedal-by shooting.
• Governor Gavin Newsom proposed sending every owner of a registered car in California a four hundred dollar check to help with gas prices. I'm getting the feeling that the end is near. Today's gasoline prices are probably the reason why the armies in the Book of Revelation are riding on horses.
• Great Britain is preparing for the seventieth anniversary of Queen Elizabeth's reign that is sure to be celebrated throughout the English-speaking world. I just got my DNA test results back. Let's just say that the genealogists at Ancestry voted me Most Likely to Be Canceled for Colonial Exploitation.