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Jewish World Review March 31, 2021 Rogue Report By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
President Biden assured dog lovers that his German Shepherds will return to the White House after being sent home to Delaware after a biting incident. Yet Biden's staffers are mystified. Three weeks after Biden's dogs were removed from the White House, somebody is still peeing on the carpets.
• Fox News reported border chaos Monday as Cuomo added a ninth accuser and George Floyd rioters warmed up in the bullpen. Gasoline hit five dollars a gallon in L.A. President Biden just signed four new executive orders, extending March Madness into April, May, June and July Madness.
• Baltimore's district attorney announced Friday that Baltimore will no longer prosecute people for drug possession or prostitution. It was last tried in the late Seventies in Los Angeles and it did not end well. Iran seized fifty-two Americans and held them hostage till we agreed to kill disco music.
• Oxford's music department is under pressure to teach soul music as well as classical music to kids. The two are compatible. Last year's Grammy post-party shooting was in honor of Beethoven and Stevie Wonder because when the cops arrived, nobody heard anything and nobody saw anything.
• The George Floyd murder trial began Monday with the defense saying he died of an overdose and that the cop's knee on his chest is an approved resuscitation maneuver. Yet, citing the video, protestors will burn down Minneapolis if the cop's acquitted. Step aside coffee this is a job for alcohol.
• Woody Allen was interviewed about his life and career on CBS Sunday Morning to publicize his new documentary series on Paramount TV. He's now eighty-five. The documentary series will cover Woody's entire life, from his days on the playground all the way to his days on the playground.
• Business Week says A&W tried to compete with McDonald's by offering a one-third pound burger against McDonald's one-fourth pound burger. It failed because most people thought a one-fourth pound burger was bigger and a one-third pound burger. This is why I never argue online.
• The Daily Mail reports an epidemic of online financial dating scams reported this year. Also, violence has occurred when couples finally meet up and express disgust that they don't look at all like their Facebook pictures. Online romance is all fun and games until somebody buys an airline ticket.
• Laugh-In legendary producer George Schlatter is in network talks for a major TV special on the life and TV career of Betty White. She turned ninety-nine in January. Betty White is not just a national treasure, Betty White is the first thing they say on CNN immediately after a mass shooting. • Dr. Seuss publishers had the last laugh on the Cancel Culture Friday when the top-ten selling books on Amazon were Dr. Seuss books. They're more relevant than ever. I went on Amazon last week myself and bought Dr. Seuss's latest book, There is Disorder on the Border by Executive Order. • The CDC on Friday updated its guidelines on classroom safety by reducing the social distance from six feet to three feet. Teachers unions still refuse to return to work. If you think things are bad today, in thirty years, this country will be run by people who were home-schooled by day drinkers. • The Hollywood Reporter released TV ratings showing CNN and MSNBC viewership numbers have collapsed since Donald Trump left the White House and Biden became president. Watching cable news every morning makes me so glad I grew up when I did. Today's cartoons are just terrible. • President Biden got great reviews on his press briefing performance from CNN Thursday. Yet other reporters noted Joe lost his train of thought eight times and he mistook the Irish Sea for the Atlantic. Joe Biden dreamed of being president all his life, it's a shame he couldn't be there to enjoy it. • CVS pharmacies are giving out Krispy Kreme donuts to people who come in to get their Covid shots. It's wonderful that in just a year, science has developed a vaccine that gives us free Krispy Kremes. We all know that nothing screams good health like an experimental vaccine and free donuts. • Prince Harry was ripped in British tabloids for leaving the Royal Family for a lucrative career with Meghan trading on his name. He continues a dubious tradition. The dumbest man in fairy tales was the Prince who woke up Sleeping Beauty with a kiss because you NEVER wake up a tired woman.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2020, Argus Hamilton |
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