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Jewish World Review March 30, 2021 Rogue Report By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The White House was the scene of President Biden's first press conference Thursday, covered live by the networks. The media gave him glowing reviews. My overall impression is that the Biden press conference was well staged, but I am not sure they made a wise choice by making it open casket.
• Hasbro agreed to create a new Monopoly game that better reflects today's society. It has a new deck of Community Chest cards. They included one card which reads We've Found a Problematic Tweet that You Wrote Twelve Years Ago, Give Up All Your Property and Money and Leave the Game.
• Kamala Harris raised eyebrows by agreeing to appear with Bill Clinton at a college conference on Empowering Young Women, but I say they have a case to make. For thirty years, young women have heard nothing but arguments against sex in the workplace. It's high time they heard the rebuttal.
• Hunter Biden lied on a federal form when he denied using drugs a few years ago when he bought a gun. The gun was hidden in a dumpster during one of his booze, coke and stripper binges. As for his legal jeopardy, only the seven-year statute of limitations keeps me from suing Hunter for doing my act.
• The Senate heard from high tech titans Thursday where Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey apologized for Twitter taking down a Hunter Biden expose in the New York Post. His platform is ruled by a woke mob. If the newspaper was the evolution of the town crier, Twitter is the evolution of the town drunk.
• President Biden held his first White House press conference in the nine weeks since he took office Thursday in the East Room with twenty-five socially distanced reporters. The president's safety was paramount. Biden only agreed to the press conference if they held it on the first floor.
• President Biden meandered for an hour during his press conference Thursday, often losing his train of thought. Joe mistook the Irish Sea for the Atlantic and claimed that we have to raise all roads three feet. I'm sorry I didn't take the time to watch Joe but I've only got so many good years left.
• President Biden was besieged in his press conference about his legislative priorities and Biden told reporters his job is to simply put one foot in front of the other. He was reading off the wrong canned answer card. Those were the instructions on how to walk up the stairs to board Air Force One.
• President Biden got good grades from the media for his commitment to solve the border crisis on Thursday. Next for Biden is his State of the Union speech in which he promised he will be totally honest with the American people. Then the speech should begin with three words, My Fellow Amigos.
• CDC happily reported Thursday that the president's goal of one hundred million vaccine shots has been reached and now Joe wants two hundred million shots by May. There's resistance. I don't want to say the Red States are balking, but I heard Utah is administering the vaccine via firing squad.
• Congress is debating a bill that would federalize national elections and make it impossible for states to stop mail-in ballots. We had it in California in November but I got confused because I've never done mail-in balloting before. Do you mail back all seven at one time or do you space them out?
• Los Angeles was named in a Vanity Fair survey as the home of the most self-obsessed people in the United States. Just how self-centered do you get living in West Hollywood-Beverly Hills? When the pharmacist asks me for my date of birth, I always assume she's going to get me something.
• Germany's Chancellor Angela Merkel assured Germans she will take the AstraZenica vaccine without fear of the side effects. She expects the German people to do the same. I don't want to exaggerate the vaccine's reported side effects, but Poland and France mobilized on hearing the news.
• The Las Vegas Review Journal says Vegas has been packed with L.A. people who came to town to spend their fourteen-hundred dollar Covid relief checks. Sadly, it's no longer the same town. Last year Las Vegas legalized marijuana which put an end, once and for all, to the All You Can Eat Buffet. • The Miami Herald said college kids ignored curfews and continued wreaking havoc in Miami Beach. During one break in the 1970s, we rolled into Kissimmee, Florida, and I asked a waitress for the correct way to pronounce this place. She looked at me like I was an idiot and said Burger King. • Jay Leno apologized to the Asian American community for the jokes he told about Asians back when he hosted the Tonight Show. Their reaction was split. An Asian American group accepted his apology, but Toyota may never forgive Jay for the way he ridiculed their brakes after every crash. • Kamala Harris hosts a college seminar with Bill Clinton on Ways to Empower Young Women Friday at Howard University. Kamala slept with her boss, San Francisco Mayor Willie Brown, and Bill was impeached over Monica. You'd think they would hold this particular seminar at Oral Roberts instead. • Kamala Harris caused a flap when she didn't return a salute as she boarded Air Force Two on Tuesday. It upset people in the political center and on the right. People in the center are upset because she did not return the salute, and the people on the right are angry because she did not curtsy. • Mexico President Obrador blamed the border crisis on Biden for raising migrant expectations with his rhetoric. Obrador added that people go to the United States out of necessity, never for fun. The U.S. government captured Mexico City in March of 1848, throwing a wet blanket on Spring Break. • President Biden relinquished responsibility for the border crisis to his vice president Thursday amid a West Wing staff shake-up. Last week, five members of the president's staff were fired for smoking pot. They already have one person walking around in a glassy-eyed haze, they don't need six. • The Biden Administration is asking the Supreme Court to allow police to enter homes without a warrant to seize guns. It sounds like the old Southern consent warrant. That's when one cop knocks on your front door, and then the other cop runs around to your back door and shouts, come in! • President Biden raised eyebrows at Ohio State Wednesday when he stated that dogs can cure cancer. I'm never too old to learn something new, such as the fact that a dog can cure cancer. All these years, I've wrongly assumed that a Labrador Oncologist was a surgeon in Easternmost Canada. • The San Diego Union reports that electronic signs on the San Diego Freeway are warning U.S. travelers of limited access to entering Mexico. That makes sense. Ever since Mexico legalized cocaine they're rationing the number of Californians allowed in their country to hold down the price. • President Biden put Kamala Harris in charge of doing something about the situation in Texas and Arizona Wednesday. The bureaucracy hasn't yet gotten the word. The CDC begged people not to travel during spring break, unless illegally crossing the border, then do whatever the hell you want. • California Governor Gavin Newsom was reported Wednesday to be having an affair with an office staffer. He's a goner now. First Gavin has a ritzy dinner at a four-star restaurant when no one's allowed to go to a restaurant, and then he has an affair at work when no one's allowed to go to work. • The Daily Mail says Prince Charles wanted to release a point-by-point rebuttal to claims made by Prince Harry and Meghan in their interview with Oprah three weeks ago, but reconsidered. Meghan is reportedly set to give up her Duchess title. From now on she'll just be known as Me-Again.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
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© 2020, Argus Hamilton |
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