|
|
|
Jewish World Review March 2, 2020 Rogue Report By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The White House moved to calm both public and market fears about the possible spread of the Corona Virus in the U.S. It was swiftly politicized. The stock market fell three thousand points in three days Thursday, prompting Obama to declare that four days ago was the last day of his economy.
• The London Daily Mail published a map of the world Tuesday showing that the Corona Virus spread to every continent in only six weeks. That's impressive. Experts say the Corona Virus is now the quickest-spreading viral agent from Asia ever, beating the previous record set by Gangham Style.
• The New York Stock Exchange fell three thousand points in three days last week. The reasons are debatable. Analysts say investors fear Bernie Sanders more than they do Corona Virus because, although Corona Virus may kill you, being dead won't stop you from voting Democrat this November.
• Nancy Pelosi signaled for partisan opposition to Trump's handling of the Corona Virus. Hillary Clinton quickly came up with a plan to deal with the virus. Hillary would bleach it and pound it.
• New Scientist reports a woman in Pennsylvania can drink water and urinate alcohol due to yeast in her bladder. It's called Bladder Fermentation Syndrome. New Scientist could be sued for either revealing the formula for Coors Light or exposing the production process for Busch Beer.
• The University of California will de-emphasize college entrance exams to try to diversify their campus populations. As it is, the SAT in California is down to just one math question. It goes, if we divide one hundred-twenty-five genders by three bathrooms, how much climate change will we have?
• President Trump held a press conference Wednesday to assure the nation that the government is prepared for all virus scenarios. Naturally it was politicized. President Trump vowed to kill the Corona Virus, prompting Nancy Pelosi to accuse Trump of spreading hate and being Corona-phobic.
• Mike Bloomberg received better reviews for his debate performance in South Carolina. He got lucky during the melee as well. Poor Elizabeth Warren, during the debate she claimed Mike Bloomberg once told a pregnant employee to kill it, and now Planned Parenthood has endorsed him.
• Bernie Sanders vowed to move the U.S. Embassy in Israel back to Tel Aviv and move the United States to Cuba. The stock market fell two thousand points in two days leading up to the debate. It doesn't help that Bernie's promising voters that if you like your business, you may keep your business.
• President Trump was blamed for the spread of Corona Virus by the media and Democrats for not internationalizing America's effort to battle it Tuesday. They're giving the Russians a much needed week off. Adam Schiff just announced he has proof that Trump colluded with the Coronans.
• President Trump returned from India following a great reception there. A recent poll shows that Trump's approval rating in India is over sixty percent. It just shows that in a country where there are no blacks, no Hispanics, and no Muslims, Trump could get re-elected in a landslide.
• Modern Health recommended that people with healthy hearts who want to live a very long life maintain a regimen of fish and vegetables and exercise to get to the century mark. Last week the oldest man on the planet died at the age of one hundred and twelve. Why does this keep happening?
Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
Comment by clicking here.
=
© 2018, Argus Hamilton |
Columnists
Toons
Lifestyles | |||||||||||
