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Jewish World Review March 26, 2019 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Stormy Daniels's ex-lawyer Michael Avenatti was arrested by the FBI in Manhattan for trying to extort millions from Nike. This time last year, Avenatti was America's most famous lawyer. That's show business, Avenatti, one week you're on the cover of Time, the next week you're doing it.
• Tom Hanks went on PBS to discuss his stage portrayal in Henry IV last year while promoting this summer's Shakespeare Center of Los Angeles productions. The bard speaks to us across the centuries. William Shakespeare foretold the Mueller Report when he wrote Much Ado about Nothing.
• Lindsey Graham vowed a Senate probe into the 2016 Hillary-FBI-media axis which produced and promoted a baseless oppo-research dossier alleging that Trump colluded with Russia. It's all coming out now. If a dead body was found in Hillary's trunk, the FBI would ask Trump why he did it.
• Attorney General Barr released his summary of Special Counsel Robert Mueller's report after a two-year and forty-million-dollar investigation and found that Trump did not collude with the Russians. Reaction was fast. Within minutes CNN reported evidence that Robert Mueller is a Russian.
• House Oversight Committee Chair Jerry Nadler promised to keep investigating Trump despite Mueller's clearing him of collusion. That may be counter-productive in the long run. I've learned that if you have to eat crow, eat it quickly, because it doesn't taste any better the longer you chew on it.
• Washington, D.C.'s political establishment went into shock Sunday with the news of the Mueller report not issuing any indictments. They expected a public hanging. Democrats are so depressed by the Mueller report that MSNBC has removed all sharp knives and forks from the employee cafeteria.
• The NFL announced the opening game will be the Green Bay Packers and Chicago Bears rather than the Super Bowl champions hosting the game as is the NFL tradition. The scheduling change is not a snub to the Patriots but a courtesy. They don't get Thursday Night Football in Florida prisons.
• The NFL owners agreed Friday to consider expanding the rules involving video replay of close game plays. No effort is being spared to make this work. During the most recent league test of instant replay, the video showed the masseuse going down on the NFL owner with both feet clearly in bounds.
• Democratic presidential candidate John Hickenlooper said in a TV interview Sunday he once took his mother to see the movie Deep Throat. That's creepy. It's one thing to tell your mother you wished you had never been born, but it's another to show her how that would have been possible.
• Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was cheered by Austin college kids last week. She says the Earth only has twelve years left so we must eradicate flatulent cows and give free college education to all. I'm old enough to remember when we sent the mentally ill to hospitals, not Congress.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2018, Argus Hamilton |
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