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Jewish World Review March 25, 2019 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The New York Post says Gambino boss Franky Boy Cali's murder wasn't a Mafia hit. He was run over twice and then filled with bullets. It turns out the young killer was angry at Franky because he wouldn't let him date his niece, which in hindsight shows that he was probably making the right call.
• President Trump signed an executive order requiring that universities allow free speech on campus. Student opinion is split along predictable lines. Polls show only forty percent of college students support free speech, while sixty percent think that the government should pay for it.
• The White House is reported be preparing to propose to Congress a cap on the amount of loan debt that one student can incur for college. That's a very sound idea. Students should not have to go into debt more than the four hundred thousand dollars they need to bribe their way into a good school.
• The London Daily Mail reports that Janet Jackson demanded that her name be raised higher on a poster and the marquee promoting the Glastonbury Music Festival in England. After all, she wouldn't want a Jackson down among the little people. That's what got her brother in trouble.
• Vladimir Putin hosted a signing ceremony in the Kremlin Thursday where he signed into law a censorship bill that bans fake news on the Internet and outlaws slander against the government. In other words Russian comics can't tell jokes about Putin. Great, now Putin's colluding with Obama.
• House Speaker Nancy Pelosi addressed reporters, announcing that she would like the House to pass a bill that would lower the voting in age in federal elections to sixteen. It's a great surprise that she wants to make sixteen legal. It's the first ray of hope R. Kelly has had all year.
• President Trump and Brazil's President Bolsonaro held a joint White House press conference. They talked rainforest. Brazil's rainforest produces twenty percent of the Earth's oxygen while the Washington, D.C. press corps takes up sixty percent of that oxygen complaining about Trump.
• TV Guide reminded readers that Tuesday marked the fortieth anniversary of the day Congress agreed to begin allowing their business to be televised every day on the floor of the House of Representatives. The idea was a big success. It led to cameras being placed in other high crime areas.
• Democratic presidential candidate billionaire Andrew Yang spoke to a packed crowd of three thousand and called for a base salary for the unemployed. Yang is also an advocate for banning all male circumcision. What IS it that the Democrats have against the Jewish vote this year?
• White House Counselor Kellyanne Conway's husband George ripped into President Trump on Tuesday telling reporters he thinks Trump has Narcissistic Personality Disorder. It's a serious disease that affects one out of every one persons in L.A. We have tried to hold a Narcissistic Personality Disorder telethon in Los Angeles but no one will agree to perform unless they get to host the telethon.
• Colorado reported a huge increase in state tax revenues ever since the state legalized the use and sale of marijuana and taxed it. I have a very important message to young people. You CAN say no to drugs, however if you find yourself talking to drugs, it probably means you're already high.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2018, Argus Hamilton |
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