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Jewish World Review March 8, 2019 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The London Daily Mail reported that a family in a small town in Germany was unable to pay their gas bill, phone bill and water bill for the month of February last week. So the city seized the family's dog and sold it on eBay. Say what you like about the Germans, but it could have been worse.
• CBS Sports spread out this week to cover all the college conference basketball tourneys which determine the sixty-five teams in the national playoffs this year, as March Madness gets under way. I can't wait to fill out my March Madness brackets card. This year, I'm picking IRS to take it all.
• Johnny Manziel had to return to the U.S. after he was cut by his CFL team for violating his good behavior clause. I thought my youthful dissipation was spectacular, but has Manziel just become the first man in history to be kicked out of Canada for drinking? It only took me one drink to get me drunk, but the trouble is, I could never remember if it was the thirteenth or fourteenth drink.
• Norway's Nobel Committee said President Trump's nomination for the Nobel Peace Prize was forged this year and last and is invalid. That should spare Norway. Anglo-Saxons have always considered any peace prize the equivalent of the Yellow Feather, an insult you are required to answer.
• So far the primaries look like twenty socialists versus Trump. Women in Iowa are asked by police to chill with the make-up until we can get this scary clown situation under control.
• Coffee News reports that climate change in South America is causing coffee growers in Brazil to switch crops to cocoa, which could cause a drastic spike in the price of coffee. This is very bad news indeed. People love to drink coffee all day because it keeps you awake until it's time to get drunk.
• Maine former governor Paul LePage raised eyebrows Friday by praising the Electoral College because he says it keeps white people in power. Response was swift. Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez heard what he said and vowed she will someday make the Electoral College tuition-free.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2018, Argus Hamilton |
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