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Jewish World Review March 19,2018 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• Today Show host Kathie Gifford called on people to forgive her friends Harvey Weinstein and Bill Cosby Thursday. Normal people aren't attracted to the entertainment industry. You spend the first five years wanting to be discovered, then the next forty-five years afraid you'll be discovered.
• Republicans sought a special counsel to probe the special counsel Thursday while Trump was preparing to fire his third cabinet member in two weeks. All this, while Democrats encourage kids to skip school, march together and wear armbands. Why do you think they call it March Madness?
• The Pentagon revealed plans to update its storage security of classified information to thwart hackers. They're moving defense data to a cloud environment with Amazon Web Service. This is big news to Russian hackers who want to receive U.S. military secrets in two days with free shipping.
• President Trump sanctioned nineteen Russians for hacking into America's electrical, nuclear and manufacturing grids and Facebook advertising to interfere with U.S. elections. Their hackers outsmarted us. When I was a kid we worried about the Missile Gap with the Russians, now it's the Geek Gap.
• Congresswoman Maxine Waters from South Central Los Angeles followed up on her motion to impeach Trump Friday with a vow to take out HUD Secretary Ben Carson. Her style is flashy. The estate of James Brown is suing Congresswoman Maxine Waters for stealing James Brown's wig.
• A Kern County judge ruled that Charles Manson's grandson may have custody of the body of the murderous cult leader. Last year the ailing Manson broke up with his L.A. fiancee when he learned she wanted to marry him just so she could sell tickets to view his body after he died. What does it say about Los Angeles women when Charles Manson's the voice of reason in the relationship?
• Hillary Clinton slipped and fell down stairs twice in India before she made it onstage and blasted white women for not voting for her. Later on, Hillary checked into a Mumbai hospital with a badly sprained hand. Our thoughts and prayers go out at this difficult time to the hospital staff.
• SpaceX entrepreneur Elon Musk followed up on his successful space launch by announcing plans to send a manned mission to Mars. He publicly warned anyone applying to go that there's a good chance they would die. You'd die of old age just reading the entire liability waiver he'd make you sign.
• The House Intelligence Committee cleared the Trump campaign and the Hillary campaign of colluding with the Russians Monday. It appears the Kremlin tried to meddle on behalf of both sides. The Russians may be sued in the World Court if they voted twice and didn't pay Chicago any royalties.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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