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Jewish World Review March 6,2018 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• President Trump infuriated free-traders Friday when he announced he's imposing a twenty-five percent tariff on steel imports. It doesn't sound like a Republican. The difference between tariffs and welfare recipients is, if you put a gun to both of their heads, welfare recipients would work.
• Tower Records legendary founder Russ Solomon died at the age of ninety-two Sunday after he sold millions and millions of rock albums. His eternal future is uncertain. The fact that there's a Highway to Hell but only a Stairway to Heaven tells you a lot about the anticipated traffic numbers.
• The Academy Awards aired on ABC from the Nokia Theater on Hollywood Boulevard Sunday night. The people in the Oscar ceremony take themselves way too seriously. It's always hilarious to me when the Oscar winners look up to the rafters and thank G od, as if G od couldn't get better seats.
• British actor Gary Oldman won the Academy Award for Best Actor Sunday in Hollywood for his portrayal of Sir Winston Churchill in the movie Darkest Hour. I love the movie's message to children. Heavy drinking might be hard work but it allows you to be the only one to see Hitler coming.
• President Trump's fired former aide Sam Nunberg did six wacky TV interviews Monday and vowed never to testify for the Special Counsel's grand jury in the Russia probe. He appeared high on booze and meds. If history is any guide, the Cleveland Browns will select him their first draft pick.
• Science Daily reports that the federal assistance program that provides EBT cards for grocery shopping for the poor does not fund enough money for a vegetarian diet. What you decide to eat is about as personal as it gets. I am a second-hand vegetarian, in that I eat cows and cows eat grass.
• President Trump proposed changes in the U.S. food stamp program that House Members will never bring to a vote. The lawmakers wouldn't risk the scrutiny. Getting food stamps for sitting around and doing nothing is like getting paid two hundred thousand dollars a year to sit in Congress.
• USA Today reports that breast implants was the third most popular plastic surgery performed on women last year. There were over two million procedures done. The FDA has vouched for the safety of breast implants for women, however a lifetime of free drinks can cause all kinds of problems
• West Virginia teachers went out on strike last week for higher pay and benefits. The state has a gamey reputation. The hottest recovery group in West Virginia is Athletics Anonymous, in which if you ever get the urge to exercise, they send somebody over to drink with you until the feeling passes.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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