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Jewish World Review March 30, 2015 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• The U.S. Army annouced it will charge U.S. Sergeant Bowe Bergdahl with desertion despite the White House calling him a hero last May. The Obama administration traded five Taliban leaders in exchange for him. The government can't even effect a prisoner swap without running up an eighty percent deficit.
• President Obama agreed with Afghanistan's president Tuesday to slow down the withdrawal of U.S. troops from Afghanistan. At first he promised total withdrawal, then he ordered the surge, then withdrawal and now partial withdrawal. We don't have a policy so much as we have the rhythm method.
• The Secret Service was ripped in House hearings over lax White House security Tuesday. That's the bad news. The good news is, President Obama has admitted he's been having trouble going to sleep at night, but now he goes right to sleep by counting intruders as they jump over the White House fence.
• The White House announced Wednesday that President Obama cleared his schedule in order to have lunch in the Oval Office with former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. The president's press secretary told reporters that the lunch was very private. It was just the two of them and their food tasters.
• The White House insisted that President Obama's Mideast strategy is a success Thursday. We're fighting with Sunnis against the Iranians in Yemen and we're fighting with the Iranians against the Sunnis in Iraq. The last thing the world expected from a polished urbane president was a square dance.
• The New York Daily News reports a Pennsylvania man won seven million dollars in a lottery on a ticket his son placed in his get well card before he went into surgery. He was presented the seven million dollar check in his recovery room. By the time he paid his hospital bill, he had seven dollars left.
• The Ayatollah Khameni went on Iranian TV last week and expressed his determination that Iran become a Mideast nuclear power. Iran's leader pointed out that Israel, Egypt, India and Pakistan all have atomic bombs. That's because the British never remember to clean out the closet before they leave.
• The People vs. O.J. Simpson will be an FX mini-series this year starring Cuba Gooding Jr. as O.J. and John Travolta as Bob Kardashian. He's in prison for using a gun in a Vegas hotel room robbery of his own memorabilia. When O.J. stopped using a knife, it was like Michael Jordan playing baseball.
• The University of Phoenix said its enrollment dropped from five hundred thousand students to two hundred thousand students the last five years. It's a mass exit. Most of them dropped out when they found out that spring break consisted of walking to the refrigerator and drinking your dad's beer.
• Dartmouth College fraternity Alpha Delta branded their pledges in the latest fraternity scandal this year. Others include drinking contests, racist singalongs, and nude photos of dates on a FB page. Al Gore had no idea when he invented the Internet it was the beginning of the end for white privilege.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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