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Jewish World Review March 25, 2014 / 23 Adar II, 5774 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• Psychology Today published a study saying flamboyant narcissism leads to presidential greatness as well as presidential grandiosity. We see it today. President Vladimir Putin just announced that the missing Malaysian airliner belongs to Mother Russia, if it is ever found.
• Bernie Madoff gave a jailhouse interview Friday in which he regretted his Ponzi scheme that bilked investors for twenty years. It doesn't seem fair. Bernie Madoff is in prison for swindling Americans out of sixty-five billion dollars, and yet members of Congress remain free.
• Toyota agreed to pay a one billion dollar fine Friday for lying about sudden acceleration problems in their cars. Their reputation has taken a big hit. Last year in L.A. a guy bought his wife a new Toyota and was charged with trying to murder her and make it look like an accident.
• Toronto police said gang members tried to blackmail Mayor Ford with video they took of him smoking crack. Instead it made him a star. Never produce video of an elected official engaged in shameful behavior unless you're a Hollywood agent putting together his demo reel.
• President Obama announced his bracket picks for the NCAA tourney on Wednesday. The president posted his picks on the White House website and you know what happened next. The next morning twelve thousand young people seeking health care enrolled in Michigan State.
• Phoenix opened a Cabaret that headlines the world's top mentalists now working cruise lines. It's a shame about the U.S. ban on Russian officials. Vladimir Putin can close his eyes and tell any audience what country is going to be invaded in seven days just by picking up the phone. • Germany's Angela Merkel ruled out letting German troops join the U.S.-British war games in Ukraine. We don't let German troops out of Germany for the same reason the Comedy Store doesn't allow me to accept the beer deliveries. For all the progress we've made, it's still too soon.
• German Chancellor Angela Merkel angrily canceled the Group of Eight summit scheduled in Russia due to Putin's annexation of Crimea. The next step is delicate. Germany has been going to Countries Anonymous for sixty-nine years, and maybe they can take Putin to a meeting.
• President Obama banned Russian legislators from traveling to the U.S. Thursday. The next day Russia banned the same number of U.S. congressmen from traveling to Russia. It's only been five days, and already people in both countries feel they can leave their doors unlocked at night.
• The White House pastry chef quit saying Michelle won't let him cook with cream, butter, sugar, eggs or flour. The president loves sweet food and fried food. The First Lady just flew to China for a week, giving President Obama time to open up secret peace talks with Paula Deen.
• Australian coastal monitors said they think they spotted debris that may be the missing Malaysian airliner Friday. What if it was an accident? If it turns out the disappearance of the Maylasian airliner was not the work of terrorists, we're all going to owe them a huge apology.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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