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Jewish World Review March 18, 2014 / 16 Adar II, 5774 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• Vladimir Putin rejected U.S. peace ideas and massed troops on Ukraine's border Friday as he prepared to seize Crimea. It's part of his master plan. Vladimir Putin wants the Nobel Peace Prize, but he believes you have got to act like you don't want something in order to get it.
• Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg called President Obama to demand privacy for Facebook users. FB has just begun selling fifteen-second video ads starting at a million dollars per day. It's the most money paid for ads ignored by millions of people since the Romney campaign.
• New Jersey teen Rachel Canning who sued her parents for support came home on Friday with the suit settled. She didn't want to live under house rules. The best parent a rebellious teen can have is a professional wrestler, because when they hit you, they just pretend to hit you.
• Justin Bieber was ordered to go on trial in May for drunk driving in Miami on top of his pot smoking on planes and codeine found by cops at his home. The scouts are impressed. Betty Ford has just traded up so they can select him in the June draft ahead of Promises Malibu.
• President Obama signed an executive order requiring salaried restaurant managers to be paid time-and-a-half overtime. It could raise menu prices and cause the Democrats to lose senior citizen votes. You are not officially old until you decide to eat at Denny's while sober.
• President Obama told a young audience if they can't afford Obamacare they can cut off cable TV or cell phone service to pay for it. Reaction was volcanic. Sasha and Malia just called that New Jersey teenager who sued her parents to see if she wants to make it a class-action suit.
• Russian lawmakers in Moscow circulated a petition demanding that the U.S. be kicked out of the World Cup matches. It's exactly the same fear they had when our scientists were racing their scientists to the moon. They are terrified that our Germans will beat their Germans.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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