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Jewish World Review March 4, 2014 / 2 Adar II, 5774 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• Hillary Clinton's health came under question Friday as reporters sought medical records of her home accident last year. She got dizzy, passed out and hit her head on Bill's desk on the way down. It was an oddity, most women hit their heads on Bill's desk on the way up.
• Georgia chef Paula Dean signed a deal with an investment firm Friday that will bankroll her cookbooks and new TV show. Despite being called a racist, she was given a seventy-six million dollar contract. As a result, Rachael Ray declared she's not that crazy about Mexicans
• Russian President Vladimir Putin has been nominated by a Russian world peace group as a candidate for this fall's Nobel Peace Prize awarded in Oslo. It could happen. Vladimir Putin's chances of winning are good because his strategy is to have all the other nominees killed.
• Heavyweight boxing champ Vitali Klitschko said he will run for president of Ukraine next month. They need a guy with forty knockouts. President Obama on Friday assured Ukraine that if they like their independence, they can keep their independence, so they are on their own.
• Ukraine's ousted president Viktor Yanukovych gave a press conference in Russia Friday and blamed the United States for his overthrow. He doesn't see our perspective. We've been overthrowing Arabs for sixty years and maybe we want to get out of our rut and try new things.
• An L.A. auction house put up two copies of Mein Kampf autographed by Hitler for auction on Friday. An astonishing number of young Americans polled don't know who he was. This allows today's politicians to call each other Hitler without being hassled by fact-checkers.
• Virginia law professor Jonathan Turley chided President Obama in House testimony for enacting laws without Congress. It's getting out of hand. Last week President Obama issued an order to expand Obamacare to cover a DNA test to see if you are Frank Sinatra's son.
• Hillary Clinton said Thursday she'd be glad to alter Obamacare to improve it. Congress is in a standoff. Many people are hoping for the Democratic leaders to cave in, but if you're waiting for Nancy Pelosi to blink you may have to wait awhile, it may not be technically possible.
• Live Science released a study showing one American in seven cannot read. The lack of interest in reading is alarming. Only forty-six percent of Americans read a book last year, and it looks even worse when you hear it was the instruction manual to Grand Theft Auto Five.
• Navy Secretary Ray Mabus appointed one admiral to oversee all the investigation in the Navy's port docking bribery scandal in Southeast Asia. It's a bribery scandal that involves vacations, drugs and Lady Gaga tickets. That gays-in-the-military thing is working out just fine.
• The NBA reported Thursday its first openly gay player Jason Collins has the top- selling jersey in the NBA online merchandise store. You can't make it up. After one week, the first openly gay player has no points, no rebounds, no assists, and the top fashion line in the league.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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