|
|
|
Jewish World Review March 3, 2014 / 1 Adar II, 5774 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• Jeb Bush said Tuesday that the Bush name will hurt him if he runs for president and the Clinton name will hurt Hillary. He doesn't have to remind us. One missed Iran and hit Iraq and the other missed the intern and hit her dress, and Americans have no respect for a bad shot.
• Bill Clinton rocked the house at a Democratic Party Senate race fundraiser in Kentucky Tuesday in a Louisville hotel ballroom. It was like old times for him. After the speech, Bill went into the hotel bar and asked for the usual, and the waitress gave him a restraining order.
• Georgia chef Paula Deen just signed a seventy-five million dollar deal to fund her books, and her next cooking show. She was run off the air last year for dressing up her restaurant workers like plantation slaves. Look, you either want authentic Southern cooking or you don't.
• Kerry Kennedy testified Wednesday in New York that she accidentally took an Ambien before she passed out and crashed her car into a truck. She reminded the jury of her family's distinguished past. No one can deny the Kennedys are America's first family of impaired driving.
• South African Olympic star Oscar Pistorius goes on trial for the murder of his supermodel girlfriend Monday. We all know how this ends. Under South African law, if convicted he goes to prison for twenty-five years and when he gets released he becomes president of South Africa.
• North Korea fired off four short-range missiles into the shallow water off their east coast Thursday. That's the exact same place their long-range missiles land. All these missiles are gradually building a barrier reef that prevents the U.S. from launching an amphibious invasion.
• Russia's Vladimir Putin scrambled warplanes over Ukraine's eastern border Thursday as Russian troops mobilized under the guise of war games. Normally the Russians would not invade a neighboring country to keep it loyal. Their excuse was that it was Throwback Thursday.
• Heavyweight boxing champion Vitali Klitschko announced he will run for the presidency of Ukraine. He was raised in the Soviet Union but he's raised his family in Beverly Hills. Last year, he moved back to the Ukraine, to escape communist schools for the second time in his life.
• Mississippi River traffic was halted briefly Tuesday by an oil spill near Baton Rouge. It's a bi-partisan concern. Democrats are afraid that the fresh water could be contaminated by the oil and the Republicans are afraid that the oil could be contaminated by the fresh water.
• Attorney General Eric Holder was reported feeling fine after he was briefly hospitalized Thursday when he suffered a dizzy spell. His work never ends. Next month he will attend baseball's Opening Day in Washington where he's scheduled to throw out the first amendment.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
Columnists
Toons
Lifestyles | |||||||||||
