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Jewish World Review March 26, 2013 / 15 Nissan, 5773 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Los Angeles officials vowed Friday to keep the Tonight Show in Burbank. Culturally, the city is like Paris with chickens. You go into Burbank's ritziest restaurant and ask them for a table with a view, they sit you down and leave the door to the ladies' room open.
Fox Network's chairman said Friday it'd love to hire Jay Leno to host a late-night show at eleven o'clock on Fox's two hundred stations. He has what they like at Fox. Jay tells Barack Obama jokes without flinching and he has twenty years of Hillary jokes in the bank.
The U.S. Senate debated immigration reform Friday as guest worker permits ran into furious union opposition. It could get ugly. The unions vowed to stage massive street protests but they lack the manpower so they may have to hire guest picketers from Mexico.
South Carolina GOP former governor Mark Sanford made it into a House runoff race Tuesday despite his affair with an Argentine beauty. It was simply unavoidable. What hot-blooded Latina can resist the allure of a middle-aged, fiscally conservative Episcopalian?
Fox network executives announced they're going to air a dramatic mini-series about the O.J. Simpson cases. The trials were a lesson in America's cultural priorities. You kill two people you get nothing, but you steal your own football jersey and you get put away for life.
Harvard was the talk of the NCAA basketball world Friday after the Harvard Crimson upset highly favored New Mexico in round one. It took a rally at the end. Harvard was just about to lose the game and go home with nothing and then their parents placed a few calls.
Los Angeles sanitation workers were called in Friday when a school in South Central suffered a massive plumbing rupture, spilling sewage into the hallways. It was awful. The district will no longer allow Carnival Cruises to participate in their Adopt-a-School program.
President Obama was forced out of his helicopter by high desert winds Friday so he had to be driven from Jerusalem down to Bethlehem. It wasn't his only travel option. The president could have just hopped on one of his drones and been there in four minutes.
Joe Biden's travel bills revealed he stopped off in Paris and London on the way home from Rome. The hotel bills cost U.S. taxpayers five hundred thousand dollars in each city, but no one's angry. Americans have always felt that a great comedian is worth every penny.
President Obama drew criticism during his three-nation trip to the Mideast this past week. The Arabs thought he was too pro-Israeli and the Israelis thought he's pro-Arab. They've seen his brackets and are wary that he doesn't think they'll make it into the Final Four.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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