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Jewish World Review March 26, 2004 /4 Nisan, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | Richard Clarke testified Wednesday his White House job was misunderstood. He said he was called the Terrorism Czar but he had less power than the Drug Czar. Those czars really knew how to live, they just didn't know how to live very long.

Richard Clarke apologized to the September 11th Commission Wednesday for failing to protect the nation. He said he failed and the entire government failed. Everyone failed but under the No Child Left Behind act they all get promoted anyway.

John Kerry said Wednesday he hasn't read Richard Clarke's book. He said he's waiting for someone to give him a copy. A guy once won the Nobel Prize for Physics by defining infinity as the amount of time it takes a U.S. Senator to pick up a check.

Hillary Clinton is trying to scare up ten million for John Kerry in ten days via e-mail. She's lost her touch. In the old days she would have put five grand on cattle futures and in ten days John Kerry would have had his ten million dollars.

The Teamsters Union announced Wednesday they want to represent Major League umpires in future labor negotiations. This could cause problems. Every time an umpire calls a guy out, the player might be found the next morning in the East River.

The Lundberg Survey reports the price of gasoline hit a record high Thursday at gas stations nationwide. Gasoline is so expensive Elizabeth Taylor is naming her new perfume Unleaded Passion. Fortunately, Mike Ditka has a drug that fixes that.

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