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Jewish World Review March 3, 2004 /10 Adar, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | The Church of England was slammed by feminists Monday for its slow promotion of women priests. It's not their only problem. Attendance will be down at Easter services this year because once the movie comes out, nobody wants to read the book.

John Edwards predicted victory in Tuesday's primaries in four states. Once a trial lawyer, always a trial lawyer. After his victory in the South Carolina primary, John Edwards celebrated by circling and then eating a school of mackerel.

John Kerry campaigned in Ohio, Georgia and Maryland on Monday wearing a work shirt opened at the neck. He's trying to become more of a regular guy. Last week he lowered the glass partition between him and his driver when he went motorcycling.

John Kerry said Monday he won't be another wishy-washy Democratic nominee for president. He's not very tuned in to popular culture. John Kerry heard about the uproar over The Passion and thought he was being blackmailed with an Internet video.

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