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July 7th, 2022

Insight

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Argus Hamilton

By Argus Hamilton

Published Feb. 28, 2022

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report
Wall Street ducked and covered over the clash between the U.S. and Russia in Europe. Both sides could have avoided the war by secretly agreeing not to allow Ukraine to join NATO. We wouldn't be having these chronic shortages at our grocery stores if we ate our vegetables instead of electing them.

The State Department ordered all Americans to leave Ukraine Tuesday as the U.S. Embassy staff hastily left Kiev, but movie production crews are staying behind. Hollywood's Sean Penn just happens to be in Ukraine filming a documentary. If we were serious about this thing, we'd be sending in Baldwin.

Variety predicts that the Russian invasion of Ukraine will draw an immediate and vocal reaction from the entertainment community. There's already a new Broadway musical in rehearsals that's inspired by Russia's invasion of Ukraine. It's called Putin on the Blitz and it takes the stage this spring.

President Biden laid out his plan to confront Russia Thursday with the stock ticker visible in the lower left corner of the screen You could see the Dow Jones falling two hundred points while the president was talking. The difference between now and 2016 is, Putin really is helping Trump get elected.

President Biden held a conference call Thursday with NATO military chieftains and G-7 nation leaders Thursday then he announced the first round of sanctions on Russia. Biden denounced Putin for invading Ukraine in the harshest terms. He said it's worse than a four-year-old not wearing a mask.

Russia surrounded Ukraine with Russian troops on the north in Belarus east from Russia and south from the Black Sea before invading. Events moved swiftly in the first twenty-four hours of fighting. Russia invaded Ukraine at six o'clock Thursday morning and by noon, France surrendered.

Fox News and CNN and MSNBC leaped into action as the invasion of Ukraine escalated and retired Army pundits gave us nuclear war scenarios. How exciting is that? The moment I wake up in the morning, I turn on cable news to see which scenes from Dr. Strangelove we'll be enjoying today.

Ukraine's foreign minister said Ukrainian armed forces are willing to lose every battle till they win the last one. It's the exact same way George Washington won the War of Independence. And if Ukraine ends up like America did, they'll be free to live under emergency rule by government scientists.

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The New York Post noted Ukraine has always been in peril living next to Russia. It's a reminder to Tahoe tourists, never have a photo taken of you standing next to a Brown Bear. You think you are posting evidence of your love of nature, while the bear is getting a nice photo of tonight's rib dinner.

National Geographic displayed an ethnic map of Slavic Eastern Europe Friday from the Baltic to the Balkans. There are Western Slavs, Southern Slavs and Eastern Slavs, and the Ukrainians and Russians are Eastern Slavs. CNN is racking its brain trying to think of how to blame this war on racism.

The White House succeeded Thursday in getting Germany to cut off imports of Russian natural gas shipments and Biden hailed the Germans as reliable allies. What really scares me about our chances of succeeding in this crisis is the First Rule of History. Germany is on the losing side of every world war.

Fox News aired video of advancing Russian tanks that was accompanied by footage of Ukrainians firing back in fierce resistance while CNN interviewed fleeing refugees. The cable TV ratings must be huge. The nicest thing about watching Russia's invasion of Ukraine is they don't have a halftime show.

The Los Angeles Times dug up the old Cold War civil defense plan for residents of Los Angeles back in the 1950s telling us what to do in case Russia fires missiles toward L.A. Our air raid sirens go off and everyone in L.A. has seventeen minutes to go to the desert for safety. See ya'll on the freeway!

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