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July 7th, 2022

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Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Argus Hamilton

By Argus Hamilton

Published Feb. 24, 2022

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report
The White House put sanctions on Russia Tuesday after Vladimir Putin sent his army across the border into Eastern Ukraine. Say what you will about Russia, but they went from no plans to invade Ukraine to invading Ukraine in less than a day. I'd like to see any other country change policy that fast.

Vladimir Putin launched the invasion of Ukraine in the first step toward his goal of restoring the Soviet Union's territories. He wants the world to return to the 1980s. And so, inspired by Putin's recognition of Ukraine's breakaway republics I now recognize what a jerk I was owning all those BMWs.

President Biden went on TV and called Russia's invasion an invasion a day after he called it an incursion then wondered aloud why in the Lord's name Putin gave the order. I'm surprised that Biden isn't more popular with Pentecostals. He's the only president in recent memory who speaks in tongues.

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson announced banking restrictions and economic sanctions of Russia Tuesday in line with U.S. sanctions. However, the Mother Country is presently facing another crisis. Right now, Queen Elizabeth is in bed with Covid-19 and Prince Andrew is in bed with Chloe-15.

The White House declared that we are backing Ukraine to stand by our principles of freedom and democracy. That's rich. We had to say that before Joe Rogan is kicked off social media for speaking his mind and before the January Sixth House committee is able to find Trump guilty of something, anything.

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Russia's President Vladimir Putin declared the independence of the ethnic-Russian provinces of Eastern Ukraine on Monday and sent in thousands of Russian troops. Putin characterized the troops as peacekeepers. Already they've taken a piece of Kharkov and a piece of Donetsk and a piece of Poltava.

The White House announced Tuesday we're sending troops to Lithuania in reaction to Russia's invasion of Ukraine, leaving Kremlin war planners dazed and confused. The Biden administration is using a brilliant military strategy. It states if you don't know what you're doing, neither does your enemy.

Vladimir Putin invaded Eastern Ukraine Monday, publicly admitting his determination to reunite Imperial Russia, causing cable news scaremongers to question his sanity. They say he's risking nuclear conflict. Nothing scares everybody like a seventy-three-year-old man who's willing to die for his country.

Vladimir Putin stood before his parliament Tuesday and demanded the right to deploy Russian troops. He began as a KGB agent for the Soviet Union. Putin's personal idol was the brutal Josef Stalin, who holds the distinction of being the only man ever to win the Nobel Peace Prize just for dying.

Washington, D.C. prepared for this weekend's scheduled trucker protest by setting up barriers and concrete fences around the U.S. Capitol. They are protesting the federal mask and vaccine mandates. If it works as well as it did in Canada, by next week Biden will seize my bank account for this joke alone.

The Supreme Court dismissed executive privilege claims by Trump and ordered his Oval Office papers made available to the January 6th House Committee which is intent on advancing the narrative that everything is always Trump's fault. We have a new Father of Our Country. He screwed everybody.

The New York Times reported Congress is running out of time to fulfill promises made by GOP members to rein in the power of Big Tech. Until they do, free speech is a thing of the past. Donald Trump started up his own social media site Truth Social Sunday, and by Tuesday, he was banned from it.

The Oklahoma State Senate is considering a bill that'd give parents the money to send their kids to an Episcopal private school instead of a public school. It shows how polarized the country's become. Nowadays the only way to keep your child from becoming a communist is to turn him into a monarchist.

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