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Sweden's government expanded the nation's lunch hour thirty extra minutes this week to try to get Swedes to run home and make babies. Like most Western nations they face a low birth rate crisis. The birth rate is so low in the U.S. that the Maury Povich Show has just been cut to a half-hour.
• President Trump issued an executive order last week allowing ICE agents and Border Patrol officers to round up illegal immigrants and deport them. It comes as a real inconvenience to many people in L.A. We're just now realizing that Trump's agenda will Make America park their cars again.
• The United Farm Workers blasted deportation orders and warned of a spike in food prices. The lack of anger over the deportations indicates Americans don't really want their vegetables. If migrant workers picked candy bars, we'd build a wall to keep them in and make M&M's pay for it.
• Secretary of State Rex Tillerson was in Mexico Thursday discussing migration problems. U.S. benefits lure many across the border. Any time a Mexican in L.A. wants a Bentley, all he has to do is put on a red jacket, stand in front of Dan Tana's restaurant and we will pull over and give him one.
• The Weather Channel reported spectacularly warm weather across the country's mid-section and on the Eastern Seaboard last week. Trees and flowers are blooming way too soon. The pollen count is so high in Kentucky that the drug dealers are converting their crystal meth back into Sudafed.
• Michigan's black students demanded a white-free space on campus after the school already agreed to their demands to build a separate student union for blacks. We have come full circle, Blacks are so angry at whites for electing Trump that they've decided Mississippi had the right idea all along.
• The Center for Global Policy called for the U.S. to halt military and financial aid to Pakistan and rescind its status as non-NATO ally. Elements there subvert U.S. policy and finance Taliban rebels. Having Pakistan as an ally is like having a brother-in-law with a gambling problem and no car.
• O.J. Simpson may get out prison this summer after serving nine years of his thirty-three-year armed robbery sentence. Believe it or not, O.J.’s been playing first base for the prison’s Aryan Nations softball team. So Barack Obama’s quest to bring Americans together wasn’t a total failure.
• Sports Illustrated reported that O.J. Simpson may get out of prison this summer after serving nine years of his armed robbery sentence This is a big moment. Depending on his mood when he’s released, O.J. is the one person in the world capable of getting everybody to stop talking about Trump.
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James O’Keefe released secretly recorded tapes from staffers in the CNN newsroom to expose their hatred for President Trump. It’s important we learn how to be gracious losers when it’s time. The only two things in all the world that are undefeated and untied are Rocky Marciano and cocaine.
• Senate Democrats accused the White House of playing politics by freeing ICE agents to deport illegals. Imagine their dismay. Under President Trump, if the Democrats want to increase the size of their party, they’ll have to do it by having straight sex like the Republicans do, no more ordering in.
• President Trump signed an executive order Wednesday that reverses President Obama’s order to allow transgenders to use any public restroom or gym shower they want. It was a huge election issue. Imagine the mischief Bill Clinton could have gotten away with by identifying as the First Lady.
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