• President Trump declared war on the national media in a press conference Thursday on top of blasting his critics on social media. Late last night, President Trump woke up in a cold sweat after a nightmare involving the most serious crisis of his presidency. He dreamed that Twitter had resigned.
• The Hollywood Reporter quoted actors saying they are afraid for their careers if they support Trump. It's a one-party town. For L.A., the best part about Trump being president is for the next four to eight years, we won't be having traffic jams because the president is in town for a fundraiser.
• National Geographic said animal rights activists complained that wild animals are being given too pampered an existence in some zoos. There are reports that the tigers in the Beijing Zoo are too fat and way overfed. That may be why we haven't heard of any radical Muslims terrorizing China.
• President Trump gave a speech to a huge crowd in Florida Saturday while spending his third consecutive weekend at his Palm Beach estate. It's a nice getaway for his security detail as well. If some nut job takes a shot at President Trump, the Secret Service agent has to shout Donald Duck!
• Kim Jung Un had half-brother Kim Jong-nam assassinated by poison Thursday in Malaysia's airport. It's disheartening. Did you ever think as a kid, that by the time you grew up, eating dogs would have fallen to sixth or seventh on the list of things you wished they'd stop doing in North Korea?
• New England Patriots receiver Michael Floyd was jailed for four months Friday for his DUI in Phoenix in December. He was then cut by Arizona and picked up by the Patriots. The Cardinals picked him in the first round of the draft then the cops picked him up after his fifteenth round of draft.
• The Senate confirmed climate change skeptic Scott Pruitt to head the EPA. Ten years ago, the scientists warned that global warming was killing off polar bears, however it turns out that their numbers multiplied. Now scientists say that climate change has made polar bears sexually aggressive.
• Queen Elizabeth is offering a sixty-thousand dollar-a-year job for someone to set up a Twitter account for her and issue her tweets. It's expected to be a gracious and classy feed. However, if Her Majesty is rambunctious, combative and lashes out at her critics, Americans will be all hers again.
• George Washington's birthday will be honored at Mt. Vernon Wednesday with a performance by the Fife and Drum Corps and a reading. There's a reason he remains so popular to this day. George Washington is the only U.S. president who never blamed his problems on the previous administration.
• Hollywood celebrities protested Monday against U.S. immigration agents rounding up criminal illegal immigrants in Los Angeles and deporting them. The stars were outraged. It's funny how the same people who said they were leaving America are so upset that people are having to leave America.
• Hillary Clinton got a standing ovation when she entered the theater to see Sunset Boulevard on Broadway Saturday in the fourth Broadway play she's attended since the election. Hillary is able to go to any play and feel loved and appreciated when she leaves the theater. So she's no Lincoln.
• O.J. Simpson is up for parole for his armed robbery sentence in July. Forty years ago the Good Housekeeping poll voted O.J. the most trusted man in America for three consecutive years. This poll more than anything else tells you how many Americans were on cocaine during the late Seventies.
• CNN reports the average age of a House member in this Congress is fifty and the average age of a U.S. Senator is sixty-one. It's the oldest Congress in history. Term limits will never pass because they all live in top-notch nursing homes in Washington and none of them want to lose their insurance.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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