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Jewish World Review Feb. 9, 2016 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• NBC News reported that a small drone aircraft crashed into the fortieth floor of the Empire State Building Friday. The drone crashed into the building and fell harmlessly onto the thirty-sixth floor observation balcony. It's plain to see that the recession in oil prices is affecting al-Qaeda.
• The Super Bowl drew a TV audience of one hundred million people to see the Denver Broncos play the Carolina Pantherson Sunday in Palo Alto. The spectacle mixes football with Hollywood. The Denver Broncos elected to wear their white uniforms in an attempt to impress the Academy voters.
• Tom Brady appeared in a Super Bowl tribute to the past Super Bowl MVPs Sunday. He looked alright after his brutal beating from the Denver defensive line in the AFC title game. The only quarterback who took more shots this year than Tom Brady did against Denver was Johnny Manziel.
• The Weather Channel reported last week's Eastern Seaboard blizzard was caused by El Nino sliding north of a high pressure ridge on the West Coast and roaring east. It hit New England hardest. Donald Trump promised New Hampshire he will deport El Nino on day one of his presidency.
• Donald Trump scheduled a dozen events a day in New Hampshire starting Thursday after his rude surprise in Iowa last week. He agreed to work hard on retail politics and not rest on his lead in the polls. Iowa proved again that polls are usually only good for strippers and cross-country skiers.
• Jimmy Carter spoke in the House of Lords Thursday and said he'd prefer Donald Trump over Ted Cruz as president. The Lords refused to ban Trump from the UK, citing his royal lineage. They realized his mother was related to the Stuarts and his hair is a direct descendant of William of Orange.
• George W. Bush recorded TV ads for Jeb's presidential candidacy in New Hampshire. It was a once-proud family. After Jeb's father's recession, his brother's war, and his own presidential campaign, the Bushes have decided to improve their marketability by changing their name to Chipotle.
• Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders debated in New Hampshire Thursday and argued over the definition of socialism. A good example popped up the next day. A Vermont tattoo artist on Friday offered to tattoo a likeness of Bernie Sanders to any registered voter for free, forty dollars after taxes.
• The National Football League reported the Oakland Raiders will be scheduled to play a regular season game in Mexico City next season. It required a lot of negotiating between the team and the league. The Raiders want to play in Los Angeles but they settled for the nearest thing to Los Angeles.
• Washington D.C.-based pollster Chris Perkins delivered a fifty-page report to the University of Iowa sayings its image is suffering due to its reputation as a party school. That's silly. The only two parties which have damaged the reputation of Iowa are the two that recently held caucuses there.
• President Obama spoke to reporters in the White House briefing room on Friday to announce that the U.S. unemployment rate has dipped below five percent. However there has been a recent uptick. We would be at full employment today if all the candidates had stayed in the presidential race.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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