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Jewish World Review Feb. 16, 2015 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• Charles Manson broke off his engagement to his L.A. fiancee Tuesday. He learned she'd planned to claim his corpse when he dies in prison, place his body inside a glass display crypt and then sell tickets to see it. So to everybody who voted a month ago that this story couldn't get any weirder, you lost.
• The Democratic Party picked Philadelphia as host city of the National Convention Friday. This could be historic. The Republicans never thought they had a chance of carrying single women voters until the Democrats came up with the idea of nominating Bill Clinton's wife in Bill Cosby's birthplace.
• President Obama was ripped by the New York Times for diminishing the presidency after he mugged it up in a comedy video. He thought he'd try making faces and taking selfies for laughs. If he said man-made global warming is a bigger threat than terrorism, people would know he was repeating jokes.
• President Obama vowed to destroy ISIS Tuesday but insisted it won't require U.S. ground troops to win. Air strikes don't faze them. When the TV weatherman in ISIS-controlled Syria gives the day's forecast, he gives the day's high, the day's low and whether the drones will be out of the east or the west.
• The Powerball jackpot total hit five hundred and sixty-four million dollars Wednesday when three winning numbers revealed one of the winners lives in Texas. The jackpot winner plans to do what most Texans would do with the money. He's going to move back to Mexico and immigrate here legally.
• The Jackie Robinson Little League team in South Chicago was stripped of its U.S. championship title on Wednesday. It was found they played ringers from outside their district and cheated to win. When the kids graduate high school, they'll begin college with six credits toward a degree in Chicago Studies.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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