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Jewish World Review Feb. 2, 2015 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• NBC sold out all its Super Bowl advertising time Wednesday at a rate of nine million dollars per minute. The game has become a national feast day. An estimated one hundred and twenty million Americans tuned in to watch the Super Bowl, or as Hollywood calls it, the Oscars for straight people.
• The White House raised eyebrows Thursday by saying the Taliban aren't terrorists. Technically that's true. The Taliban aren't exactly terrorists, they're heroin-growing, women-enslaving suicide bombers with no hint of hospitality, but it's their country and if fracking turns up nothing we're leaving.
• Pentagon sources leaked tapes to damage Hillary Clinton, revealing that she pushed for invasion of Libya three years ago to wipe out the terrorists. It's so damaging she may carry fifty states. Hillary tried to enlist in the Marines forty-five years ago but they told her we weren't that mad at the Viet Cong.
• American Sniper starring Bradley Cooper as U.S. Army sniper Chris Kyle was ripped by Michael Moore again who questioned the bravery in killing terrorists with sniper fire. The filmmaker is nothing if not consistent. Michael Moore saw the Hobbit and declared afterwards that all archers are cowards.
• Fox News reported Thursday that one of the five Taliban fighters the U.S. exchanged for deserter Sgt. Bo Bergdahl is re-joining the Taliban in Afhanistan. We traded them five of their guys for one of our guys. The U.S. government can't even swap prisoners without running up an eighty percent deficit.
• Oprah Winfrey brought the cast and director of the movie Selma to the White House last Friday to commemorate the fiftieth anniversary of the signing of the Voting Rights Act. We've come a long way since then. Fifty years later, every American regardless of race, creed and color is spied on equally.
• Justin Bieber went on the Ellen Degeneres Show Friday to apologize for his long pattern of wild behavior. He's been arrested for DUI, malicious mischief, drag racing and assaulting his limo driver. It was just a year ago that Justin Bieber retired from music to focus on building up his criminal record.
• President Obama's nominee for Attorney General Loretta Lynch told her Senate confirmation hearing Thursday she thinks that marijuana is more dangerous than alcohol. The facts say otherwise. The murder rate in Colorado is so low because anybody you shoot must be within range of your couch.
• Arizona health officials say a thousand kids in the state have caught the measles in an outbreak that originated in California's Disneyland. It's spreading. The government says the measles outbreak has since spread to unvaccinated children in eight Western states and Mexico, if you must differentiate.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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