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Jewish World Review Feb. 21, 2014 / 21 Adar I, 5774 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• Dennis Rodman left rehab saying he's not an alcoholic and announced plans to return to North Korea and see his pal Kim Jung Un. It's just loony. If someone had told you a year ago that Dennis Rodman was hooking up with Kim, you'd assumed they meant Kardasian, not Hitler.
• Russian cops attacked the Russian female punk band Pussy Riot with horsewhips as they tried to perform an impromptu set in Sochi. After two years in Russian prison, these girls fear nothing. Next they are going to drive through Florida with the music turned all the way up.
• The Hollywood Society of Cinephiles announced the Silent Film Festival at the Egyptian Theater on Hollywood Boulevard this fall to honor the first silent films one hundred years ago. There was a lot of cocaine use back then. That's why everybody in silent films moves so fast.
• Motorola's new Moto X smart phone got rave reviews in high tech journals last week which applauded Lenovo's purchase of Motorola. It's the first smart phone that is manufactured in the United States. It's made in Texas so it's also the first smart phone that doubles as a handgun.
• The Powerball Lottery numbers were drawn Wednesday as the jackpot hit four hundred million dollars for the winner. Last year's jackpot winner touched everyone's hearts when he gave his homeless brother-in-law a new home. It was the box from his new seventy-two-inch TV.
• President Obama was in Fresno to bemoan the California drought Friday. Then he played golf in Palm Springs on courses that use up one-fourth of the underground water. The club members make up for all the millions of gallons of water they use by ordering their Scotch neat.
• President Obama lectured Ukraine's government on the rights of the Ukraine protestors Wednesday. The president had the full support of Capitol Hill. To get the U.S. Congress to back the protestors against the government, he told them that the government supports Obamacare.
• President Obama urged Ukraine to respect the right of citizens to protest Wednesday and obey the will of the people. He said he'd have to consult Congress before taking any further action. And should that work, we might even consider bringing back the rest of the Constitution.
• Homeland Security warned airlines Thursday to be on the lookout for an al-Qaeda shoe bomber like the one who tried to take out Detroit ten years ago. That guy's plot was doomed to fail anyway. Don't Detroiters realize that insurance agents have seen Double Indemnity too?
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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