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Jewish World Review Feb 6, 2012/ 13 Shevat, 5772 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | CBO director Doug Elmendorf told Congress the U.S. economy will stay weak through next year. He added unemployment will remain high. To stay in power, Democrats are going to have to plant crack cocaine and child pornography on every Republican candidate.
President Obama told the National Prayer Breakfast his desire to raise taxes on the rich is inspired by the Bible. It's true. He's especially fond of the story in Genesis where God tells Abraham not to sacrifice his son Isaac, but instead to take a member of the Romney family.
President Obama's six-year-old Chrysler was offered at auction on eBay Wednesday for a price of one million dollars, but nobody bid on it. This cements his legacy. Barack Obama is now the first president since Richard Nixon that nobody will buy a used car from.
China bought two million acres of farmland in Venezuela to grow soybeans Friday. It is to feed China's cows, to feed China's new addiction to burgers. For five thousand years the Chinese people were too cultured to eat with their hands, and then McDonald's arrived.
Senator John McCain and Tom Harkin introduced a bill to take the one-dollar bill out of circulation. First George Washington loses his birthday holiday and now his portrait on the money. You can be the Father of our Country, but if you're found to have grown tobacco, distilled whiskey and killed Indians your money's not welcome in today's America.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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