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Jewish World Review
Feb. 25, 2009
/ 1 Adar 5769
Big family, big ratings, big mess
By
Celia Rivenbark
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http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
Hons, you have no idea how hard I've tried to avoid screaming, "You crazy (rhymes with witch)!" out loud at the TV every single time I see the nation's most famous octagonal mom giving an interview. I'm guessing some of you are having the same problem. Technically, it's none of our business if Miss Thang wants to throw a litter every couple of years, right? I mean beyond the obvious whining about tax dollars having to pay for this nutty brood mare to keep poppin' kids out. Why does this woman make me, and some of you, well, tense?
Maybe part of it is that she insists she's just a course or two shy of getting her master's degree in counseling and then she'll be able to get a job to support her 14 children. Counseling, huh? You have 14 children, no husband and no income but you're going to help us with OUR problems? This is a little like getting relationship advice from Chris Brown; in other words, a colossally bad idea.
My favorite part of this whole sordid scenario was seeing Thang's dad, explaining to reporters as he fairly ran toward his little McCar, that a great job opportunity had just opened up for him in Iraq and he was going to be living over there for the forseeable future.
Hons, you know somebody is pretty desperate to flee the scene when you take a job in IRAQ just to get away. Thang's poor exhausted mama is probably perusing the help-wanted ads in the Kabul Penny Saver right about now her own self. Grandma has said that she was very upset when she found out there were eight more buns in the oven and they'd be living in her three-bedroom house. Upset? No. Upset is when you do that thing where you're brushing your teeth and all of a sudden the brush inexplicably goes up into your nostril. This is, well, bigger than upset.
I struggle with this because it's tacky to poke fun at people who are, and I will use the clinical psychiatric term here, "crazier'n a sprayed roach." The only ray of joy that I can get out of this whole thing is picturing Kate Gosselin going ballistic at the notion that another mother of multiples is actually getting more attention than her these days. I picture Kate storming into the TLC offices and reminding them that she and Jon are married and upstanding churchgoing, museum-taking, park playing-in parents. ("I mean, excuse my language but Criminy! And she does NOT look like Angelina Jolie!")
TLC loves freaky-big families. Low TV moment of the TLC week: When father of 18, Jim Bob Duggar told his nervous virginal bridegroom son that sex was "a lot like Legos." One word for anybody marrying into that bunch: "Ruuuuunnnnnn!"
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
Celia Rivenbark is an award-winning news reporter and freelance columnist for The Sun News in Myrtle Beach, S.C. Comment by clicking here.
Fred Mertz for vice president
Women and tools are like grease, water
Runners are a different breed of folk altogether
Don't get all bento out of shape
For you, Princess? I'll buy junk
Gwyneth P. needs big ol' reality check
Reality show amuses yet repels viewer
Spying on kid at summer camp awfully fulfilling
Stars? Great outdoors? I don't think so
Honesty in the name of fashion
Perfect attendance award is for little, viral losers
Trendy new ailment not for everybody
What is wrong with the women today who marry insanely rich and talented men and then think they still have to cook?
Shagadelic on the dance floor
Ex-boyfriends can have the worst timing
Little wonder many voters are confused
Sound bites not easy in Southern
I swear it's not my fault
Celebrity news gets weirder, trumps all else
Driver's license? Outta my way while I get `em
Like taking Miley Cyrus tickets from a baby
Driving under the influence of celebrity
Hugged your Webkinz today?
Hate mail spawned by humor columns
‘High School Musical’ rocks to the max!
Where did latest ‘syndrome’ come from?
Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama
Tell the truth, folks, we all love Paris' trauma and drama
Office gossip is protected free speech
First-class corpse
Song lyrics have only gotten dumber
Talk to the clock because the ISP doesn't care
Being a happy human vessel has its limits
Who's not your daddy?
Phoning for dazzlers
Proper spelling begins at home
Sick of the waiting room
Road signs
Halt your motion toward the lotion
Sudoku's got my husband's number
One short stack of smarts, please
Spa me the kids
IRS wants us to like it so much that it smacks of desperation
Uniforms: Soul-sucking sameness
Girls' pajama parties a little different now
Welcome back for guilt-free manly man
A big boo-hoo for disgraced celebs
Girls' pajama parties a little different now
When Bubbas and hoes are extra welcome
Ageless icons can't escape their ages
Gifts to kids' teachers make competitive moms antsy
Kid bumper stickers sure not ‘terrific’
© 2007, The Sun News Distributed by Knight Ridder/Tribune Information Services
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