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Jewish World Review Feb. 6, 2003 / 14 Shevat, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | The Coast Guard caught Cubans in the ocean Wednesday in an old Cadillac. It's a classic. If cars improved like computers, by now they would cost ten dollars, get two million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everybody inside.

President Bush will appear on Meet the Press Sunday and take tough questions from Tim Russert. The move is designed to reverse his sinking poll numbers. He could have done the Larry King Show, but he didn't want people to think he had died.

The Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court ruled Wednesday in favor of gay marriage. Official reaction was mixed. John Kerry expressed his opposition, but Ted Kennedy is forbidden by the laws of comedy from taking a position on the sanctity of marriage.

John Edwards sent out a fundraising e-mail to his supporters Wednesday which described his rise from humble roots to becoming a highly successful personal injury lawyer. An ambulance follows the president wherever he goes. That would be a switch.

John Kerry was accused by his opponents on Wednesday of blocking legislation on the floor of the Senate as a favor to one of his campaign contributors. He said he does not do any favors for the wealthy. All gigolos get paid for their work.

John Kerry was cheered by fellow Vietnam veterans at a speech in Washington state on Tuesday night. His courage borders on the foolish. John Kerry said he would raise taxes on people who make over two hundred thousand dollars a year knowing full well that he was about to let them stick needles into his laugh lines.

The NFL pressured ESPN to cancel its hit series Playmakers Wednesday because the league says the show bears no resemblance at all to reality. The weekly drama portrayed players as adulterers, batterers, drunks, crackheads and whoremongers. The head writer listed at the end of each show was the Associated Press wire service.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

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