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July 7th, 2022

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Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report

Argus Hamilton

By Argus Hamilton

Published Jan. 12, 2021

Argus Hamilton's Rogue Report
The White House struggled to square Omicron's resistance to boosters with Omicron's overall mildness Monday. Meanwhile Pfizer hastily announced an Omicron vaccine in March. The longer this goes on, the more I suspect Pfizer's mission statement reads, A Cured Patient is a Lost Customer.

The Sacramento Bee reports ski resorts doing big business in California after the huge recent snowfall. Luckily for ski novices like me, the resorts all have beginner's slopes. The first thing a guy learns before hitting the slopes for the first time is, there is just no masculine way to put on Chapstick.

Novak Djokovic defeated Aussie immigration officials Monday and won the right to remain in Australia and play in the Australian Open. The tennis star won his court case and can stay in Australia. Ironic when you consider most of the people live there because somebody lost a court case.

Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez released a statement telling her millions of Twitter followers Saturday that she has contracted corona virus, despite observing all the safety protocols. AOC wears a mask for two purposes. One, to protect her from Corona Virus and two, to feed her oats.

President Biden issued an order requiring health insurers to cover the cost of the home testing kits. Once he's finally signed a deal with the testing company to create the testing kits, they'll be sent out by U.S. Mail. By the time the test kits arrive, one-third of the country will have died of old age.

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Supreme Court Justice Sotomayor claimed one hundred thousand kids are hospitalized and on ventilators with Covid when it's only a very tiny fraction of that number. It just never ends. CDC Director Rochelle Walensky congratulated Princess Kate on turning forty thousand years old Monday.

An L.A. Times poll says most Californians are a bit slap-happy from all the Covid protocols and willing to live with the virus. Last Thursday I went to my buddy's pharmacy in Beverly Hills around lunch time and asked him for a booster. He drove me to the Polo Lounge and ordered me a high chair.

House Democrats plan televised hearings into the January 6th riot at the Capitol. BLM should charge racism. They spent a year rioting in U.S. cities, looting businesses and burning down police stations with impunity, but the Vikings stage one little raid on the Capitol and they get all the publicity.

Russia's Vladimir Putin hinted at peaceful relations with Ukraine as long as they do not join NATO. Historically, Putin never wants the Germans to get a running start into Russia. You'd think the guy who killed Hitler would be remembered as a beloved hero, but Hitler never got credit for that.

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