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Jewish World Review Jan. 20, 2020 Rogue Report By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The Democratic debate in Iowa produced a nasty flare-up between Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders. It got uncomfortably personal. Right after the debate, Liz told Bernie she takes back every nice thing she ever said about him, giving Bernie no choice but to call her an Indian-giver.
• The Iowa debate was enlivened over a woman's electability when Elizabeth Warren charged across the stage and she confronted Bernie and asked why he called her a liar on national TV. Bernie denied telling Liz that a woman can't get elected president. He meant just Hillary Clinton.
• The Houston Astros' cheating scandal spread after reports their hitters wore electronic impulse patches. A TV camera-viewing spy would steal the catcher's signal, then buzz it to the player. If you ever go fishing in Nevada's Lake Meade, you might catch a blackjack player who tried the same thing.
• Nancy Pelosi signed an order delivering the articles of impeachment to the Senate with a great air of solemnity. She then held up the gold pens she used to sign it and gleefully handed the pens out like prizes. It shows again that Congress has too many mad scientists and not enough hunchbacks.
• The Senate impeachment trial of Trump is scheduled to start Tuesday. Testimony will reprise back-channel complaints to House Democrats about Trump's way of conducting foreign policy lodged by D.C. bureaucrats. Bureaucracy is a method of transforming human energy into solid waste.
• Duchess Meghan began her Canadian publicity barrage by sailing across Vancouver Sound to visit a women's shelter. That might be a safe place for her to stay. Queen Elizabeth just called Hillary Clinton and warned Hillary that Meghan has information that could lead to her arrest.
• Mitch McConnell received the Articles of Impeachment delivered across the Capitol by seven lawmakers representing the House Democrats. Americans have endured months of impeachment hearings and four weeks of delay and all we've learned is one thing. Ukraine has good phone service.
• Nancy Pelosi signed the Articles of Impeachment with a great flourish and high ceremony and had the document marched over to the Senate Chamber. Pelosi also selected her impeachment case managers. They're Jack Daniels, Jim Beam and Johnny Walker, two cases of each.
• President Trump signed a huge trade deal with China in a ceremony televised live in the White House. Balancing the books will take years. The Chinese hold so many U.S. Treasury Bonds that the note inside every fortune cookie in America reads This Is an Attempt to Collect a Debt.
• Senator Bernie Sanders denied during the presidential debate in Iowa that he had ever told Elizabeth Warren that a woman could get elected president as she's claiming. After the debate, Warren refused to shake Bernie's hand. To be fair, she also refused to pull Joe Biden's finger.
• Major League Baseball fans expressed anger over the Houston Astros cheating scandal. They used a long distance camera to steal catcher's signs and tip off the hitter what the next pitch will be. In Iran, Soleimano's successor just ordered this camera so he'll know where the next strike is coming.
• Democratic candidate Mike Bloomberg spoke at a Texas rally and was introduced to the crowd by Judge Judy. What a poignant pairing they made. It shows how a man worth fifty-five billion dollars is still able to connect with someone who makes only forty-seven million dollars a year.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2018, Argus Hamilton |
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