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Jewish World Review Jan. 22, 2019 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The New England Patriots and the Los Angeles Rams will square off against each other in the Super Bowl a week from next Sunday in Atlanta. The match-up of these two teams has a very familiar ring. The Patriots versus Los Angeles sounds like the news every day since Trump got elected.
• Robert Mueller denied a Buzzfeed report that said he has proof that Trump urged Michael Cohen to lie to Congress. It had set off a jubilant press lynch mob. Today Buzzfeed reported the sun rose in the West instead of the East this morning, and CNN assured viewers that if true, this is the end of Trump.
• Aero Mexico is offering discounts to passengers based on their percentage of Mexican DNA. Following suit, restaurants in Indian casinos say they may offer discounts to customers based on their percent of Native American blood. Elizabeth Warren would qualify for a packet of ketchup.
• The White House announced Monday a second summit between President Trump and North Korea's dictator Kim Jung Un will occur in February. I'm starting to think like the president. If Trump can get Kim to open up his country, Kim's got lots of border fencing we might get wholesale.
• Prince Philip flipped his Land Rover three times and smashed into two cars as he pulled out of the palace Thursday. You'd think at 97 he'd be in the royal Mercedes limo. The difference between a Land Rover and a Mercedes-Benz limo is Princess Diana wouldn't be caught dead in a Land Rover.
• Men's Health reported that Baby Boomers can enjoy an extremely long lifespan with the right diet and exercise regimen. On Saturday, the AP reported that the oldest man in the world died at the age of one hundred and thirteen in Japan. Police say he was driving his Toyota without a seatbelt.
• The N.Y. Post said Jeff Bezos's amour Lauren Sanchez was engaged or married four times. He threw away half the largest fortune in history to go chasing after her. Jeff Bezos proved for all of us that one hundred forty billion dollars doesn't eliminate your character defects, it underlines them.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2018, Argus Hamilton |
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