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Jewish World Review Jan. 23, 2015 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• President Obama gave his State of the Union speech to Congress Tuesday. It's an annual speech inherited from the King's speech opening Parliament. The first State of the Union speech by George Washington lasted only six minutes, but of course, if you've never told a lie, there's not much left to say.
• President Obama in his State of the Union offered Americans tax hikes, free community college, free child care and his vision of a color-blind America. The response sent him a message. The next day, talk radio shows were flooded with callers anxious to express their opinion about deflated footballs.
• The New England Patriots were accused of deflating their footballs in Sunday's playoff game so Tom Brady could get a better grip as he threw passes in the cold wind and rain. The referees watch closely for deflated balls. It's the closest thing they have to a steroids test right in the middle of the game.
• The NFL found eleven of New England's twelve game footballs were underinflated. They let the air of out them before the game started somewhere inside the stadium. The best guess is, Coach Bill Belichick had the footballs deflated in the elevator because he knew the NFL wouldn't watch the video.
• The Queen Anne Cannibis Club in Seattle named its most potent pot after Seahawks star runner Marshawn Lynch. Its proponents know the mantra. It states if everyone in the world smoked a joint at the exact same time, we would have world peace for about an hour, followed by a global food shortage.
• Michael Moore set off a storm Sunday by tweeting that all snipers are cowards. He is a liberal in good standing with the gay community, the feminist community and the black community. The problem is, who on earth is going to march in the parade next to you after you've offended the sniper community?
• Al Sharpton accused Los Angeles of racism after the Academy Awards voters selected all-white Best Actor nominees. That's not true. Denzel Washington's limo gets a police escort to his hotel every time he lands at Los Angeles Airport and everybody in town is careful to address him as Mr. President.
• Saddam Hussein's daughter Raghad Hussein was reported Friday living like a queen in Jordan selling jewelry she designed that she says was inspired by her father. She says she's a huge supporter of ISIS. Not only did we not find any weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, we hanged the wrong Hussein.
• Sesame Street producers announced Tuesday they are going to air a new special called Cookie Thief. In the special, Cookie Monster explores self-regulation concepts, such as following directions, managing emotions and impulse control. Unfortunately, it will be too late for the presidential primaries.
• NASA announced that the Mars Curiosity rover has a new science team chief who will supervise the rover's work on Mars. It's scouring the Red Planet quipped with two picks, a drill and a laser cannon. So far the rover's found no intelligent life on Mars, just simple organisms playing video games.
The National Enquirer published a cover story Friday headlining a claim that President Obama and Michelle's marriage is in big trouble. It says the First Couple are fighting like cats and dogs. To give you a general idea of just how bad things are, their Secret Service code names are Bill and Hillary.
• The Los Angeles Clippers attended the grand opening of the new L.A. strip club Ace of Diamonds Monday despite the dangers. Two men getting lap dances at a Tulsa strip bar this week were hit by bullets fired outside the club. Both men are expected to recover from their injuries, until they get home.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
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© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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