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Jewish World Review Jan. 20, 2015 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• President Obama will deliver his annual State of the Union address to a joint session of Congress in the House Chamber of the U.S. Capitol tonight. He plans to open by announcing that the State of the Union is strong. It's always a good idea to start out your speech with a good joke to get the crowd on your side.
• President Obama in a press conference with Prime Minister David Cameron vowed that the U.S. and Britain will track down the world's terror leaders, as we have in the past. It took a trillion dollars, two wars and state-of-the-art technology, but we finally found Osama bin Laden. He was in his house.
• President Obama released five terrorist detainees from Guantanamo prison and sent them home to the Middle East. They'd been thrashing around in the can long enough. Who would have thought America's first president from Southside Chicago gets his foreign policy ideas reading Field and Stream?
• The FBI arrested Christopher Lee Cornell of Cincinnati for buying weapons with intent to walk into the U.S. Capitol and open fire. The kid identified himself as an ISIS recruit. He had converted to Islam six months ago, then gave himself an Arab name, so he could go in and out of the U.S. more easily.
• The N.Y. Mercantile Exchange saw oil prices fall to forty-five dollars a barrel Thursday. Fifteen states across the country now have gas prices that have dipped underneath two dollars a gallon. This means that it's now cheaper to buy a gallon of liquid dinosaur bones than a cup of coffee at Starbucks.
• Fox News will air the first presidential candidates' debates this summer in Iowa. The GOP will offer the usual dozen or so polite fellows. However for Democrats, the liberal hippie Hillary Clinton will debate the warhawk Goldwater Girl Hillary Clinton and it looks to be a real knock-down, drag-out.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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