|
|
|
Jewish World Review Jan. 12, 2015 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• The Dallas Cowboys play the Green Bay Packers in the NFL divisional playoff game Sunday in extremely cold weather in Green Bay. Forty-five million Americans will tune in. It's expected to be so cold, the marching band may form a cartoon image of the Prophet Muhammed just to get a fire going.
• The Ohio State Buckeyes and the Oregon Ducks wills play the first national championship game in college football Monday. Oregon and Ohio State will receive millions of dollars but the players must play for free. It proves once and for all that the North was fighting to protect the tariff, not end slavery.
• A U.S. District Court ruled California's ban on serving foie gras in restaurants unconstitutional over the howls of animal rights activists. The ducks are force-fed to fatten up their livers before the slaughter. Everyone's excited about the ruling because Dick Cheney's releasing a cookbook next month.
• A Paris satirical newspaper was attacked by al-Qaeda terrorists Tuesday for depicting Mohammed in cartoons that satirized the terrorists. They killed twelve of the satirists and escaped in their car. However French authorities were later able to track down some of the attackers and surrender to them.
• The White House refused to describe Thursday's attack on a Paris satire newspaper as terrorism until a media outcry demanded it. They still refuse to call it radical Islamic terrorism. Nobody bought the Obama administration's original story that it was just another example of violence in the jokeplace.
•
Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid missed Tuesday's session due to injuries while working out including a busted jaw, black eye, cut face and broken ribs. He's still grateful. Harry Reid started out as the clean-up boy in a Nevada brothel, and he never dreamed he'd ever make it to the Major Leagues.
• President Obama vowed to veto the GOP Senate and GOP House's bill authorizing construction of the Keystone oil pipeline Wednesday, saying it only helps Canada. We certainly don't want to help Canada gets its oil to world markets. It could seriously hinder our new special relationship with Iran.
• Donald Trump agreed to be a headliner at next weekend's South Carolina Tea Party convention in Myrtle Beach. He's a the sentimental favorite presidential candidate of GOP conservatives. In the first episode of The Apprentice this week, Trump fired one contestant and he deported two others.
• Governor Jerry Brown broke ground in Fresno Tuesday for the sixty-eight billion dollar Bullet Train. The governor said it will take passengers from L.A. to San Francisco in three hours. Until it's built we'll just have to be content with never thinking about San Francisco and going to Vegas instead.
• Speaker John Boehner said Tuesday it is the Congress's job to write the laws and the president's job to decide whether to sign them. Who knew it's that simple. Ever since the Tea Party gave everyone in Congress a copy of the U.S. Constitution, we don't have to call tech support in India to fix every problem.
• The Search for Hitler's Billions is a TV special that determined that Adolf Hitler was a billionaire when he died in his Berlin bunker. His fortune wasn't just from speaking fees and from book royalties. He came into some money late in life when a big reward was offered to the person who could kill Hitler.
Every weekday JewishWorldReview.com publishes what many in the media and Washington consider "must-reading". Sign up for the daily JWR update. It's free. Just click here.
JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements.
Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
Columnists
Toons
Lifestyles | |||||||||||
