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Jewish World Review December 30, 2014 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
• The National College Players Association demanded that college football players be paid and accused schools of raking in six billion dollars under the guise of amateurism. You can't pay college football players. It will ruin the innocence of the Franklin American Mortgage Music City Bowl.
• Russia's Vladimir Putin was voted Most Interesting Man in Russia a month after Forbes named him the Most Powerful Man in the World. He cultivates a macho image. Last night Vladimir Putin struck and killed a deer and he said he feels awful about it, but when he's jogging he's in his own world.
• The Taliban declared victory as NATO withdrew from Afghanistan. They've now beaten Britain, the Soviet Union and now NATO. So even if the Taliban has won only three games, they ought to be in the discussion with Alabama, Oregon, Florida State and Ohio State just on strength of schedule.
• President Obama hinted he may set up a U.S. diplomatic embassy in Teheran. That's where angry Iranians seized fifty-two U.S. hostages in 1979 and held them hostage for a year. Thirty-five years later, it's impossible to describe to young people the extent to which some people hated disco.
• New York policemen turned their backs on Mayor Bill deBlasio when he spoke at a funeral for a slain cop. The mayor has fueled anti-cop protests by disparaging New York police in public statements. Last year, the Thin Blue Line turned their backs on the mayor of Toronto and he snorted it.
• PGA Tour star Dustin Johnson is set to return from a six-month suspension from the PGA Tour after he tested positive for cocaine last year. After a warning, he tested positive a second time. They gave him a light suspension because to his credit, Dustin Johnson was never warned once for slow play.
• The FBI was briefed by cyber-security detectives at Norse Tuesday who've been investigating the Sony hacking for three weeks. Norse said the hacking was the work of a laid-off Sony employee, not North Korea. We should've believed Kim Jung Un last week when he said he's still using Windows XP.
• Malaysians were furious to see Prime Minister Najib Razak playing golf with President Obama while all of Malaysia was being inundated with flooding. His return flight only added to his problems. On his way back home, Malaysia's prime minister put his iPhone on airplane mode and it disappeared.
• The Pentagon launched drone strikes Monday which killed an al-Qaeda-affiliated group leader as he drove down the highway in a jeep convoy. These drone kills are becoming so commonplace. There are now road signs on every highway in the Middle East that read Caution: Seventy-Two Virgins Ahead.
• President Obama bumped a wedding between two Army officers from the Marine Golf Course in Hawaii because he was playing there. The couple got married just in time. At the rate President Obama's been wielding executive power, by the spring he'd have insisted on the Right of the First Night.
• Egypt's government banned the showing of the movie Exodus: Gods and Kings, saying the movie presents inaccurate historical facts. They had to do it to lure young people into the theater. It's not true that Moses came down from Mt. Sinai with the Nine Commandments and the Kennedy Family Waiver.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in
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© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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