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Jewish World Review Jan 11, 2013 / 29 Teves, 5773 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com |
The Baseball Hall of Fame got no new inductees Wednesday after Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, and Roger Clemens didn't get enough votes to get in. It wasn't a total loss. They didn't make it into the Hall of Fame but they did finish in a four-way tie for Mr. Olympus.
Brent Musberger drooled all over Miss Alabama Karen Webb when cameras showed her in the stands during the title game Monday. He's seventy years old and she's twenty. In Alabama she'd be his granddaughter and in Los Angeles she would be his murder victim.
The Hollywood Reporter said Hillary Rodham Clinton's life as a young congressional staffer in the Seventies will be made into a feature movie. It covers the time she and Bill first met and fell in love. The working title of this movie is An Affair to Refrigerate.
Barack Obama named Jack Lew as Treasury Secretary. He picked John Kerry, Chuck Hagel, John Brennan, and Jack Lew to head State, Defense, CIA and Treasury. He's got so many white guys working for him it's starting to look like a photo-negative of an NBA team.
Monopoly gamemakers announced a vote Monday allowing people to decide the fate of the eight tokens. There's only five left. The White House just decommissioned the battleship, outsourced the wheelbarrow to Mexico and sent the Top Hat fleeing to the Grand Caymans.
Senator Lindsey Graham vowed to block John Brennan's nomination for CIA Director if the State Department doesn't come clean on the Benghazi fiasco. The questions in the hearings will be brutal. Hillary Clinton has two weeks to find something to hit her head on.
North Korea's leader Kim Jung Un celebrated his birthday by delivering two pounds of chocolate to every kid in North Korea. What a nice gesture. Syria's Bashar al-Assad is kicking himself for celebrating his birthday two years ago by sending everyone anthrax.
Audi introduced its new self-driving car at the Las Vegas Consumer Electronics Show Wednesday. The new car is accelerated, steered, stopped and parked by sensors equipped with autonomous technology that guides you smoothly to your destination. It's an absolute embarrassment to the Confederate flag you have painted on the roof of your car.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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