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Jewish World Review Jan 30, 2012/ 6 Shevat, 5772 The News in Zingers By Argus Hamilton
http://www.JewishWorldReview.com | New York police began an investigation Tuesday after learning that thirty pounds of cocaine was delivered to the United Nations mailroom last week. The drug makes you euphoric, aggressive and ultimately paranoid. They put it in the coffee at the U.N. like sugar.
Navy SEALs killed nine Somali pirates, saving hostages Tuesday. The pirates refused a two million U.S. dollar ransom offer, so they got killed. It shows college athletes you need someone more mature than a classmate to be your agent when you're negotiating a contract.
Warren Buffett's secretary did talk shows after her tax rate became an argument for higher taxes on the rich. It came out he pays her half a million a year. That's sixty grand to be his secretary and four hundred and forty thousand not to turn over the books to the IRS.
President Obama yelled at GOP Arizona governor Jan Brewer for criticizing him in her new book when she greeted him on the tarmac in Tucson Thursday. They stood on the runway and argued for minutes. Geese aren't generally a problem for pilots this far west.
Apple Corporation made history when its stock hit four hundred fifty dollars a share Tuesday. It pushed Apple past Exxon as the world's highest-valued corporation. It was a long bloody battle but Americans have finally made a choice between texting and driving.
CBS News star Lara Logan discussed being sexually assaulted last year by mobs of Egyptian men Sunday. She said they raped her with their hands. When we sent military trainers to help the Egyptian government we accidentally shipped them a busload of TSA guys instead.
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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements. Comment by clicking here.
© 2011, Argus Hamilton |
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