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Jewish World Review Jan. 27, 2003 / 4 Shevat, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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And now for the
important news .... | The Golden Globe Awards aired on NBC Sunday night from the Beverly Hilton in Beverly Hills. It was guarded by federal security. FBI profilers say the known terrorists in Los Angeles belong to two different groups, presenters and recipients.

Kelsey Grammar told Golden Globe reporters it's his last year on Frasier. He has always worked. At seven he had a paper route, at twelve he shined shoes, at eighteen he was out on the road doing stand-up comedy, and at nineteen he was back on his paper route.

The Golden Globes Sunday marked the start of the awards season in Hollywood. Madonna came out for Wesley Clark, Uma Thurman backs John Kerry, and Susan Sarandon is behind Howard Dean. It just shows that it takes three men to do the work of Bill Clinton.

New Hampshire voters will choose their favorite Democrat in their first-in-the-nation primary today. The race is so hot Jennifer Lopez is rumored to have left Ben Affleck for Dennis Kucinich. No woman alive can resist a man with Congressional health insurance.

Howard Dean calmly regained ground on John Kerry in the New Hampshire polls over the weekend. The reason is obvious. After seven days of listening to John Kerry, Democrats have decided they would rather have a guy with two personalities than a guy with none.

Congressman Billy Tauzin said Sunday he rejected a job offer to be Hollywood's top lobbyist. Instead, he may take a job as the top lobbyist for the pharmaceutical industry. Billy Tauzin could be the first person ever forced to choose between show business and drugs.

New York Mayor Bloomberg apologized Sunday to Mrs. Robert Atkins over remarks he made about her late husband's famous low- carb diet. How rich is this woman? She hasn't been widowed six months and already John Kerry is calling her the gal that got away.

Howard Dean said Sunday Iraq's economy did better under Saddam Hussein. Actually, Iraqis are much more productive now. They only interrupt their work to worship three times a day now that all those screams from the dungeons aren't mistaken for the call to prayer.

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JWR contributor Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood. To comment or arrange for speaking engagements, please click here.

© 2002, Argus Hamilton