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Jewish World Review Jan. 14, 2003 / 20 Teves, 5764

Argus Hamilton

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Consumer Reports

And now for the
important news .... | Bethany Hamilton resumed surfing Monday ten weeks after she lost her left arm to a shark attack. She had company. Howard Dean was cheered in Iowa Monday when he appeared onstage a day after Al Sharpton bit off his left wing in Sunday's debate.

Gary Hart assured reporters Monday he's still considering running for the U.S. Senate in Colorado this fall. His run for the U.S. presidency fifteen years ago was a Cinderella story. Every time the clock struck midnight he turned into a motel.

Mexican President Vicente Fox at the summit on Monday called for open borders between America and Mexico. You can't blame him for trying. We are the only thing that stands between the Mexican people and reasonable drug prices up in Canada.

President Bush proposed allowing aliens to work in the U.S. and leave in three years. Fast food restaurants are upset. As long as President Bush is saying illegals will go home after three years Burger King can't call itself the Home of the Whopper.

Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez riled the summit in Mexico Monday when he told the U.S. to stay out of his country. Venezuela has oil like Iraq and jungle like Vietnam. John Kerry is just praying he doesn't have to vote on whether to invade it.

Homeland Security said its new airline screening system will be ready by June. It will run a credit and background check on all airline passengers. By November President Bush will be able to say he liberated Iraq and made Amtrak profitable again.

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